ALT-9 Best Questions to ask the Bride before Marriage
Deciding to marry is one of the most life-altering decisions an individual can make. Committing yourself to sharing your life with one person, while romantic, also comes with loads of issues that should be discussed prior to marriage. So, what are the best questions to ask the bride before you marry her?
While there is no set guidebook for brides and grooms-to-be, there are certainly some basic topics that should be discussed in order to take preventative measures against potential arguments and know exactly where you each stand before you take the plunge.The most important thing, however, is that you are open and honest with each other when answering these questions. Use these questions as a guideline for further discussion. Once you start asking questions, more questions can, and probably will, arise.
1. Finances. One of the most common causes for divorce is financial instability. Many married couples argue about money, including how much they spend, and how they will divide it. Have you and your bride-to-be discussed a budget? If not, sit down together and come up with one. Figure out how much you both earn together, how you spend your money, and how much you'll want to set aside for your savings.
2. Chores. The division of labor is also a hot topic for many married couples. If this issue is not discussed prior to marriage, men and women might have different expectations as to who should be responsible for what chores within the household. Before you marry, talk to your fiancee about how you'll split the workload. If she doesn't work, perhaps she could take on some more duties. If you both work, try to divide things equally. For example, if she cooks, you clean up afterwards. Remember to be flexible. If you absolutely hate doing the dishes but don't mind making the meals, then negotiate a plan for what works best for you.
3. Sex. While many individuals believe that sex should not be a priority in a relationship, others feel that the closeness established during these intimate moments is crucial to solidifying pre-existing bonds between a couple. Before you marry, ask your bride-to-be to discuss your married sex life with you. Are you both satisfied with the frequency of sex in your relationship? If you are, then ask yourselves how you will cope later in your lives if and when there is a disparity between your individual levels of desire. Remember to discuss what you both feel is too much time without sex.
4. Work/Life balance. Another important topic to broach with your potential wife is the level of work/life balance you are each comfortable maintaining. Are you both satisfied with each other's levels of ambition? In other words, if you are required to spend a great deal of time at work, or traveling in order to advance at work, will she be supportive? Will your work/life balance shift when and if you decide to have children? If she is currently employed, will she cease working if you agree to start a family? If you, for whatever reason, decide that you do not work, quit your job, or are between jobs, will she be able to support you both? These are all extremely important questions to ask yourselves before making the final decision over whether or not to marry; however, within the topic of work/life balance, you should also touch on social issues. Outside of work, are you both comfortable with your social lives, both together, and as individuals? Do you both feel that you are secure with yourselves? Do you individually maintain high levels of self-esteem so that you both feel that you are contributing equally to the relationship emotionally and intellectually?
5. Family. One of the most important questions couples should discuss before marriage is the issue of family. Will you have children? Of course, no one can foresee the future; however, you should discuss what might happen if you do start a family, or how you will cope in the event that you are unable to have children. Discuss how important having a child is to you both individually. Aside from your future family, how will you balance your existing families? Discuss how you will handle visits, holidays, and general time spent together.
6. Religion. Ideally, most couples will have already discussed their own religious views prior to having become seriously involved; however, if and when you are planning to have children, you will both need to agree on what religious views you will pass on to your children. If you are an inter-faith couple, negotiate what works best for you. Perhaps you can involve your children in both religions and then let them decide their own views later in their lives.
Overall, making the decision to commit yourself to one person might seem a little daunting. However, once you've discussed these crucial issues with your bride-to-be, not only are you less likely to feel nervous about your decision, you're also less likely to end your marriage with divorce. Discussing these important questions will allow you to get to know your bride better, and may even bring you closer together!
