ALT-5 What to do if your best Man Bails
What you should do if your best man bails? I see three options all of which could be employed after the internal interrogations of why, how and where, i.e., why the hell would he do this to me that *#%!)*; how could I have chosen so poorly or ever thought this individual cared a $*%#$ about me; and where the hell is that $#@!^*. Once that is complete, some possible choices would be as follows:
1. Choose the next groomsman in line to take his place and then find a family member from the list of invitees who is dressed somewhat appropriately enough to take the groomsman's place. This is of course done with the hope that the groomsman you pick is not still fuming over the fact that he took second in the first place and that he will now be further insulted by being chosen as sloppy second, thus resulting in a toast better suited for a finalized divorce celebration vs. a wedding.
2. Ask the bride if she would mind demoting her maid of honor and claim a new tradition of no best man or maid of honor. I mean, let's be honest, they are over rated positions that require additional work on the part of the lucky chosen ones when if they were simply standard members of the wedding party they could just sit there and drink with no pressure to perform.
3. To avoid any further insult or injury to the bridal party, or the bride with the potentially distressing option number two, scan the familial members who may be able to pinch hit as best man. Perhaps score points with said bride and invite her brother or father to stand up if they are not currently in the wedding? Then again, there is always the possibility of insult (please refer to option one) in that they were not invited to be in the wedding party in the first place. In this case, the oldest or youngest person of either family must be selected because nobody can be mad or jealous about either. It becomes a kindness in a cute and sweet way with a heavy duty "awwww" factor that will generally cause all to smile.
