ALT-4 Best Questions to ask the Bride before Marriage
Marriage is a beautiful and lifelong commitment. It is the joining of two lives into one, but as anyone who has married can tell you, sometimes that melding into one can be stressful and confusing. Before you say "I DO" it's important to discuss topics that are deal breakers for you. What can you handle? What can't you handle? Establish clear communication now, and confront issues that could cause bumps in the road later on down the line.
CHILDREN-Do you want children? Discuss with our partner how you feel about kids. You should be honest about how many children you would like to have, how far apart, and when you would like to start trying. If you plan to have kids right away, does your bride think she will take time off work? Discussing how you would deal if one of you was unable to have kids is also important. Would you be agreeable to fertility treatments or adoption.
CAREER-Some men still like to be the sole bread winner and some prefer their wives to enjoy careers of their own. Don't assume your partner can read your mind. Discuss each other's careers and how it may effect your life. Would she be willing to move with you if you got a promotion? Would you be willing to move with her? Are you able to be supportive of your wife if she achieves greater stature or money? To be clear, it's important to discuss things like how much time you want to focus on your career versus your marriage. Her decision to work 80 hour weeks may not leave much time for you.
LIVING SITUATION-Discuss what your ideal life would be like if money was no option. You may be surprised to hear she wants to live abroad, or maybe in the country where as you prefer the city. Discuss each other's personal style and taste. Where as interior decorating seems like a small issue, sometimes the smallest fights turn into the biggest resentments. If she likes all modern things, and you prefer a more down home feel, one of you may feel completely uncomfortable in your home.
PETS-Discuss if you would like to have pets. Some people flourish with animals running around under foot and other's can't stand them. Be sure to know what your future bride expects.
FAMILY -It's important to establish how each other feels about their family and your own. As a unified front you will have to make ground rules...how often each other's family can come, if they can drop by and surprise you, if they must call ahead. How do you plan to handle the holidays? Discussing your relationships to your family will help you understand what your life will be like.
SEX-Many many relationships suffer because sex is a taboo subject, yet sex is a vital part of a healthy marriage. You should feel comfortable talking about what you like and don't like. Are you both satisfied? How would you feel if one of you stopped wanting sex? Be clear about what constitutes as cheating in your mind. I've heard, well "it's not like I cheated, I only had on-line sex" or "I kissed my co-worker, so it's not like anything happened." Spell out boundaries for your relationship now.
MONEY-How do each of you view money? Do you both like to spend money? Does one of you prefer to save it. Finances can cause a great deal of tension, so you might want to discuss who will be in charge of paying bills and budgeting. Talk about what you consider a happy and successful life. If you can't live without a Porsche or she can't live without a Coach purse, talk about it now. Otherwise, one of you will be enjoying your toys while the other one builds resentment as they penny pinch to make things work.
PERSONAL SPACE-Everybody needs a little space of their own to unwind or enjoy their own hobbies. If you've been together a while you probably recognize each other's signs for "leave me alone." If you haven't lived together, you will be shocked to find that your wife is ALWAYS there. Establishing ground rules like, I need a half hour to unwind after work before any heavy talks, or I'd really like to spend an our working out on Saturday mornings will help you establish and respect each other's routines and need for individuality.
Marriages are a lot of commitment and communication. Before you feel like you are in over your head or legally bound, it's a good idea to start discussing key components of a life built together. Be sure to let your future wife know what is important to you, and acknowledge her feelings. Everyone won't agree on everything, but you should form a plan for aligning the key things in your life together! Avoiding a problem only builds resentment, so do yourself a favor and ask the tough questions now. You'll walk down that aisle with confidence knowing you have found your partner in the truest sense.
