ALT-3 What to do if your best Man Bails
As weddings go, anything can happen. The cake may fall, and the flowers may wilt. A bridesmaid's car won't start. Someone might step on the bride's train. If you're planning a wedding, you can certainly count on a few surprises.
What if the best man either fails to show up or is somehow unable to do so?
The best man is the groom's go-to guy. He may be a brother, cousin, or best friend of the groom. Ideally, this is a dependable, responsible man, who can help the groom with organizational concerns and even pre-wedding jitters.
Before the wedding
If the best man bails out ahead of time, the groom may have an opportunity to select one of the existing groomsmen or another key person to serve as best man. Hopefully, enough time remains for this substitute to obtain formalwear and fittings.
This person may help the groom with the planning: selecting attire for the wedding party, attending pre-wedding festivities, coordinating travel arrangements for the groomsmen and bridesmaids, and more.
In the absence of a best man, the remaining groomsmen can plan the bachelor party, if there is to be one, and they may certainly offer toasts at the rehearsal dinner on the eve of the wedding.
On the wedding day
If the best man suddenly goes missing or errant on the big day, then the groom will have to improvise. He may promote one of his groomsmen to stand as best man, or he may select a trusted relative to take the reins.
In a pinch, the groom may even decide to forgo having a best man at all. (This may be the most diplomatic course of action. No one wants to feel like first runner-up!)
If there is no best man, then the maid of honor will probably walk down the altar alone, but this can be construed as a special honor.
If no best man stand-in is named, then the groom will need to quickly divide up the best man's responsibilities among the other groomsmen:
Helping the groom to dress and prepare for his nuptualsTransporting the groom and groomsmen to the location of the wedding ceremonyOverseeing all groomsmen and ushers for the wedding itselfEnsuring that all groomsmen receive their boutonnieres and that the flowers are securely and properly pinned to their lapelsOverseeing the arrival of floral arrangements in the churchChecking to make sure printed bulletins are prepared and given to ushers for distribution to guests before the ceremonyTucking away several copies of the printed bulletins for the newlyweds to keepHolding the bride's ring until the ceremony calls for itWitnessing the signing of the marriage license and offering his own signature as wellGiving the payment envelopes to the officiant, instrumentalists, and soloistsOrganizing the wedding party for formal photographsStanding by the bride and groom in a formal reception lineHolding gift cards and envelopes for safekeeping for the groomOverseeing the decorating of the newlyweds' getaway carGathering all single men at the reception for the garter-tossingHelping the newlyweds load their luggage into their carReturning rented formalwear from the wedding partyHaving the groom's wedding clothes cleaned, while the couple honeymoons.
Wedding traditions have changed dramatically in recent decades. As a result, spontaneous changes and substitutions may be easier to make than ever before.
The most important thing is this: The bride and groom should make every effort to enjoy their day, to make it special and memorable, and to make all family and friends feel welcome and festive. If this means they must proceed without a best man, then they may certainly do so with a happy nuptual smile.
After all, it isn't the end of the world. It's the beginning of a new life together!
