Why the Word Obey should be Left out of Marriage Ceremonies
During a marriage ceremony, the groom promises to “love, honour and cherish” the bride and the bride promises to “love, honour and obey” the groom. In this modern age where a couple come together as equals, the word “obey” offends many people for many reasons.
Men no longer hold the purse strings. A bride no longer goes from being dependent on her father to being dependent on her husband. A modern bride usually has her own career before marriage and will have her own career after marriage. She may even contribute the larger share to the household budget after marriage.
Men can no longer dictate to women, women are now financially and socially independent of men. The law considers men and women to be equals. If the law considers men and women equal before the law, society should also consider men and women to be equal. To have the word “obey” in the marriage ceremony reinforces the view, held by some unreconstructed cave men that wives are still chattels and belong, body and soul, to their husbands.
Husbands promise to “love, honour and cherish” their brides. Marriage, today, is an undertaking by a man and a woman that they wish to live together in love and declare that undertaking before society. Surely, both parties should cherish their love and one another. The word “cherish” is such a beautiful word and has much more pleasant and correct connotations of what a modern marriage should be about.
Women are not the servants of their husbands and husbands are not the masters of their wives. “Obey” has connotations of control and submission, one personality completely over-whelming another. Husbands are no longer the god of the household. Marriage should be the joining of two personalities, allowing three personalities to develop, the husband and wife developing as separate personalities and the development of the shared personality of these two united as a couple, stronger than either personality alone.
When a couple declare their love before their friends and relations in a marriage service they come together as equals and should be seen as equals. There is no need for either to obey the other; marriage is about love, sharing, trust, laughter, tears, memories and much more but in all of those things there is no room for the word “obey”. The word obey should be omitted from the marriage service and both bride and groom should promise to cherish both one another and their love.
