What to do if you don’t get on with your colleagues
People spend so much time at work that, if there are conflicts of any kind with colleagues, it can make life very miserable. Yet, even for the most compromising of people, it is hard to get through our working life without one conflict or another. The way you can go about dealing with such a conflict depends on the relationship with your colleague; obviously you will have to deal with conflicts with your boss or employees in a different way to handling a conflict with a co-worker. That does mean that you should behave insensitively, however, so here are a few suggestions to resolve such a problem.
Whether the conflict is about something petty or not, you should always sleep on the problem before you decide how to approach it. If it is something petty, then perhaps you just need a little space from the person in question - for example, if you have heard that a co-worker is gossiping about you, it may well not be worth making a fuss about. Try to turn the other cheek and don't be tempted to bad-mouth in return. If it is a more serious conflict, then you will want to consider taking further action, particularly if it is something that is affecting a project you are working on together.
It may be that the co-worker has no idea that you are upset. Ask to have a private discussion with them to see if you can work it out. You don't have to make this formal if you don't feel comfortable doing so - simply pull the co-worker aside at a time when there are few people in the office. State your case, making it clear how you feel, but don't be too confrontational about it because this will just get your co-worker's back up and could make the situation much worse than it already is. Ask him/her how they feel and if you are still not happy with what they say, ask if there is any way you can come to a compromise.
If you are still unhappy with what has occurred, it is probably time to share your feelings with someone else, preferably your boss or a mentor, particularly if it is having an impact on your work. You do not want to leave it until such a time that your boss can't avoid seeing that there is a problem. Again, state your case, but try to avoid bringing personal feelings into it, because this will do nothing but make you look petty. It may be that the mediator can immediately see a way to solve the situation, or will have advice on your next move. If you see your co-worker's actions as bullying, then you will need to make it clear that this is how you feel. Any boss worth his salt should be able to nip this in the bud before it goes any further.
It may not always be possible to avoid your co-worker on a day to day basis, particularly if you work in a small company. However, if there is a possibility that you can move across to another team, or at least have minimum confrontation with the co-worker in question, then speak to your boss about it. However, you will need to think very carefully about making this move, because you don't want to be labelled as a trouble-maker. If it is a one-off, you will probably get away with it, but if it is something you do on a regular basis, then you perhaps need to consider some form of training in dealing with difficult people. Remember, no-one will agree with you all of the time.
At the same time, it is important that, if the conflict in question is affecting your work and possibly your home life, that you do try to resolve the issue. Ignoring it may work for a while, but if the conflict is not resolved, you may find yourself getting more and more wound up, until eventually you explode, telling your co-worker and possibly everyone around you exactly how you feel. And you particularly shouldn't have to put up with a situation that could be construed as bullying. Just make sure that a) you have your facts straight and b) you have spoken to others around you to make sure that you are not making a mountain out of a molehill.
As with any conflict, it can be resolved. Just keep calm and take a deep breath before you act; in the long run, it will be the best option.
