How to Avoid Losing your Temper with Difficult Colleagues
If you’re lucky, you’ll have a great relationship with your colleagues, both at work and after working hours. However, most people have at least one colleague with whom they have a poor relationship. It is generally important that you at least maintain a working relationship with such colleagues. There are some strategies you can employ when working with difficult colleagues.
Keep interactions brief
If you like a colleague, you will probably spend a lot of time with her. If you find her difficult, however, there is no reason to hang around. You will probably need to talk and discuss things to maintain a working relationship, but then return to your desk and get on with your job. Sometimes interaction by email may be better – then if you do disagree further down the line, you will at least have written proof of what was discussed. Learn to judge her moods too. You will probably need to meet up regularly, but work out when she is in a more positive mood and is less likely to be difficult.
Walk away if necessary
There will be times when your colleague’s difficult behaviour becomes too much to bear and you can feel your dander rising. Occasionally, it may be advisable to stand your ground and let her know that her behaviour is unacceptable. Sometimes, however, it is better to walk away until you have calmed down. By then, you should both be ready to discuss the issue in a polite and sensible way. If it is your colleague who loses her temper, tell her that you will discuss the matter further once she has calmed down. You will be more likely to stay calm that way.
Focus on the job
It can be hard when someone is being difficult, but you will find that you stay calmer if you focus on your job. Remember that you have goals and targets to reach despite your colleague’s behaviour. It is likely that your colleague has problems outside of work that are making her behave irrationally and that it has nothing to do with you as a person. By focussing on your job and forgetting about your ego, you should be able to stay calm enough to do your job regardless of your colleague’s behaviour.
Practice relaxation techniques
Everyone has their own way of relaxing. If your colleague has been difficult for a period of time, you may need to bring this into play. Find something that works for you. Obviously, you can’t go on a two-week holiday every time your colleague is difficult, but you could consider getting away at weekends. Reading works for some, as does exercise. Yoga and meditation may work for you if you haven’t tried them before. You can get books and DVDs so that you can practice at home, but attending introductory classes are often much more practical and efficient.
Talk to someone about it
Bottling things up when someone makes you angry is usually a recipe for disaster. When your colleague is being difficult, talk to someone about it. It may be most sensible to talk to a colleague, possibly even your manager. However, just sharing frustrations with a friend should help. You can share experiences and look at the humour in any interactions. By letting off steam in this way, you are much more likely to be able to cope with your colleague in a calm manner.
Confront your colleague
If your colleague’s behaviour is difficult over a long period of time and/or is making your working life unbearable, the only way to stay calm in the long run may be to confront your colleague. This needn’t, however, be a negative experience. If you feel sure that your colleague won’t react well, then ask your manager to mediate. Explain to your colleague that she is making your life very hard and that you would like to understand why. Your colleague may not have realised, or may have a viable explanation. Hopefully, together, you can reassess your working relationship in a stress-free way.
From a professional and emotional standpoint, staying calm at work is important, no matter with whom you are dealing. Using strategies to stay calm can help you achieve this.
