Overview of Asian Marriage Practices
"When grown up and in good college, you going to find good Chinese husband who is hard worker and have good job." I roll my eyes as I hear my mother's broken English predicting my future marriage life. It's earlyafter all, I'm only a freshman in high school. But my mother's constant reminders make me think about the kind of person I want to marry. Having grown up in a semi-traditional Chinese family, I've always assumed that I would marry a Chinese man. But when I actually spend time to think about my future husband's ethnicity, I start to wonder whether it's wrong or not to marry a man that is not Chinese. According to traditional culture, interracial marriages are very uncommon. However, as time passes, the traditional aspects begin to unravel, and more and more exceptions are made. Since I am of first generation, my mother clearly has more traditional images of my future spouse and marriage. Sometimes I wonder, what if I was Japanese? Or Korean? Burmese? Are the marriage practices and customs similar to those of Taiwan?
Japan. During the age of aristocracy in Japan, "Muko-iri" was the common marriage system. Because labor power was an essential factor in maintaining a family, a bridegroom would live with his bride's family to offer his labor for a certain period of time. Such labor arrangement is still being practiced in marriages where the man is adopted into the family of the bride. In the 14th century, the rise of "Bushi" warriors led to a change from the old practice of "muko-iri" to the new practice of "yome-iri". Instead of the groom joining the bride's family, the bride would join the groom's family after the birth of a child or the loss of a parent. Marriages, under the feudal system, were frequently used as diplomatic and political approaches to preserving peace and unity among feudal lords. Consequently, the personal aspect of marriage was disregarded in the face of family interests, especially because a matchmaker, or "nakodo", would arrange marriages. Currently this "Yome-iri" system is quite common in Japan and can still be found even in modern marriages.
Korea. Arranged marriages are traditionally very popular in South Korea and still occur today. After marriage, the bride is expected to depart to her husband's parents. On weekends, she will typically cook for her husband and his parents. Sometimes people marry for love, but it's more of a business arrangement to bond two families together or a way to bear offspring. As for interracial marriages, Koreans are typically not very tolerant of them. Parents encourage their children to marry Korean because the culture is so strong that it would be difficult to communicate and get along if people don't share the same values and language. However, in the modern age, many Korean women are curious about dating a man who is not Korean because some feel stifled by the rigid rules of Korean society.
Myanmar. The Myanmar family is called ein daung', which literally means "the establishment of a house". Consequently, a newly married couple generally lives in a separate house from their original families as soon as they can afford to. The Myanmar marriage is not an extension of the husband or wife's existing family, but consists of the husband, wife, and their unmarried children. The Dhammathats are the principal source of Myanmar customary law. They do not lay down the laws, but instead reflect the customs and rules of society. The Dhammathats declare it a man's duty to give his children away in marriage, so parents like to arrange the marriages of their children and call in matchmakers. The matchmaking was effective well up to the start of World War II. However, the post-war years saw an increasing emergence of women into institutions of higher learning and public life, which put an end to the career of the matchmaking.
Taiwan. The marriage customs in Taiwan were adopted from China. The former custom of buying and selling a bride is known as the Two Deerskin ceremony. In later times, weddings were composed of six betrothal and marriage ceremonies: matchmaking, marriage agreement, asking names (placing the couple's names on the ancestral altar), arrangement of betrothal, notifying the bride of the marriage day, and receiving the bride. As gifts, wild geese were offered as well as betrothal presents and money bound in silk. The Two Deerskin ceremony is the earliest materialization of the custom of wedding ceremonies in China. This eventually developed the tradition of selling brides.
Taking a look at these Asian countries' marriage practices provides an insight into all their similarities. All the countries practiced and still practice arranged marriages, and traditional aspects are still being applied today. However, living here in the United States, I have never observed arranged marriages. After all, this is a free nation, and everybody has their rights and liberty to marry whoever they wish. The current Asian-American wedding often welds Western customs with elements of traditional Asian celebrations. Today's Asian-American couple may decide not to include certain customs in their wedding ceremony, or they may prefer to celebrate in Asian style on one day and Western style on another. This is particularly common if only one member of the couple is Asian; statistics show that interracial marriages are increasing every year. In time, the traditional way of thinkingAsians only marrying Asianswill greatly diminish and interracial marriages will dominate. I support the act of keeping traditions alive, but I also believe in the right to marry whoever you love, despite their ethnicity. And regarding my marriage? Well, I've still got a long ways to go and I'd much rather daydream
