Left at the Altar how to Cope
You’ve been planning this day since you were a young girl, practicing walking down the aisle in your mother’s veil. You have found your prince who has promised to love you through good times and bad. You had your mom’s dress altered to fit you perfectly and you are ready to be married to the man of your dreams.
Unfortunately, the groom decides that he isn’t cut out for marriage and he doesn’t show up. The dream quickly becomes a nightmare as family and friends witness the debacle that has become your wedding day. Although at the moment you feel that you will never recover from the shame and embarrassment, you can get through what will be an emotional time ahead.
First, Take Care of Business
Before you can grieve the loss of your future spouse, you will need to take care of the business of breaking up. You and your ex will have to decide who pays for the costs of the wedding that didn’t happen. You’ll have to decide where you’re going to live, if you can cancel the honeymoon and who gets what property if the two of you were already living together. It is important to be as unemotional as possible during this process so that you can get what is rightfully yours. It is too easy to just give in and leave, amicably breaking up will benefit you the most in the end.
Do Something Nice for Yourself
Now that you know where you’ll be living and you have divided up property, debt and/or assets, take a few moments to take a deep breath and do something nice for yourself. Spend the day at a spa and bring along a few friends if you would enjoy the company. Understand that you are worth it and that you should treat yourself special through your grieving process.
Tell Your Inner Critic to Take a Vacation
We all have that inner critic that tells us we are not good enough, pretty enough or smart enough. A last second betrayal at the altar gives that inner critic plenty of fodder to work with. Do not let your inner critic get the better of you. When a person leaves a person at the altar, it is about their inability to commit to one person. However cliché, it really is about the other person and not about your suitability as a marriage partner.
Understand That This Was a Favor
Although the shame and embarrassment certainly were not worth it, it is better to be left at the altar than cheated on with three young kids and a mortgage. Consider that if your ex was already skittish before the wedding, they were more likely to stray when things became difficult. They have done you a favor by leaving you.
It’s Your Time Schedule
No one can tell you how long it will take to deal with the effects of being left at the altar. Surround yourself with loving friends and family, keep your spirits up and talk to people when you need to vent about what happened. You may quickly realize that the relationship was doomed from the beginning and move on, or you may end up wondering for a long time what went wrong. Regardless, you will heal on your own schedule and no one else’s.
