How to tell if you are Sensitive to Criticism
Certainly most persons do not wish on themselves the perception of being a “door mat.” (Individuals unaware of the “descriptive” are informed the term is applied to persons who allow others to completely use them. Such a person never bothers to draw the line. The “hen-pecked” husband fits the bill of this particular metaphor.
The flip-side of the preceding equation is the person who breaks down too easily when criticized constructively. Of course nitpicking an individual’s every action is never constructive; however, offering diplomatic, helpful suggestions is another matter, completely. The following example is what is meant:
Let us hypothetically presume you are a well-attired person. This is not to say, realistically that you are not well-dressed: this is just a regular role-playing exercise with yourself in the role of best-dressed. No one (in our role playing scenario) criticizes your choice of clothing, rather most persons emphasize, regularly your stylish good choices in wearing apparel. Out of the clear blue your great aunt Agnes arrives from Seattle. Why Seattle? Perhaps, we choose it because the city is one of the best places for Java world-wide - the author having a particular preference for this type of beverage.
Despite the slight digression just above, you, in our role-play exercise, place a great deal of importance on personal appearance; and again it shows. However, your great aunt is secretly jealous. She criticizes your accessory choices, apparel and personal appearance from the time of her arrival to the time of her departure. Following are some of her criticisms:
“That scarf with that dress! What are you thinking?”
“You want to go (to wherever it is you are going) to such and such a place in a sleeveless dress!”
“You need to trim your bangs;”
“I can see your roots;”
“You need to change your shoes—they do not go right with that outfit!”
These are just a few of the critical remarks made by your relative; and the list seems endless. By the time Agnes is ready to leave, you are wondering if everyone else is lying to spare you; and whether Agnes is mentioning your fashion mistakes to save you from your muddled thinking. However, rest assured, commonsense will dictate. You would have known well beforehand if there was any merit to your aunt’s continual adjustments. On top of it all: Agnes does not look bad herself, fashion-wise, so you begin to think: “is there a shimmer of truth in any of it?” If you are near tears as you see her waving out of the back window of the taxi as she leaves your hospitality in order to head home, it is perfectly understandable.
Your being sensitive to an overly nitpicking great aunt is, suffice it to say, is understandable. If you have turned on the waterworks, privately, once or twice during her lengthy one week only visit: who is to blame you? You have invested a great deal of time and thought into looking nice; and your blood relative is minimizing the result with reckless comments based on hidden jealousy.
That said let us presume you are a very day-to-day individual without the slightest interest in studying a fashion catalog or magazine. In this scenario you tend to throw clothes together by way of what is lined up in your closet next; and there is generally no organization to how it is you store your clothing. No one has informed you either whether your clothing choices are bad or good. You are not a stylish Diva or gent. You are an average person not expecting to win any fashion awards.
In this role-play, you have recently been awarded a new job. At the interview, you dressed casually as is your usual habit. Your particular profession does not require you look like a Wall Street banker. In other words, you blend into the main stream on the day of the interview. The office staff is casually attired. However, the first day on the job, you misjudged office casual a bit too much.
The first day of the new job, unfortunately you slept a little too long and with time being a factor, you threw on the non-hung items which are lying in a heap on the floor of your closet. Let us go so far that in your hurry to get to the new job you did not as much as run a comb through your hair. (Again, this is all role-play of course, and it is not suggested you would ever take on this manner of behavior. The role play is designed to illustrate a point.)
Your supervisor is expecting, in-office, guests which are clients of the firm and he or she expects employees dressed business casual, particularly on this day. The employees need to be wearing well-ironed clothing. Also, as is generally the case: your boss expects everyone to at least run a brush or comb through their hair. Mortified by your rumpled appearance, your new boss takes you aside and informs you to go home and change your rumpled clothing. He or she further adds to the insult that you will not be allowed to begin work until you make the adjustment.
If you were the type of person within our scenario who took the matter personally, then suffice it to say you are too sensitive with respect to criticism. Certainly, a reasonable person would know what led up to his or her unfavorable presentation. He or she would not protest to the supervisor making the criticisms and administering the proper resolution. The particularly sensitive individual with respect to this role-play may have rationalized his or her disheveled appearance by believing that the criticism and suggestion, made by his or her supervisor as unfair since the entire office presented as business casual. However, admittedly casual is vastly different than downright scary!
In conclusion, signs you are sensitive to constructive criticisms are fully explained in the latter scenario and include: non-admittance or lying to yourself about the reasonable criticism; and in turn, unduly protesting with respect to a reasonable suggestion in correcting what is less than an acceptable standard. Using the excuse, within the latter role-play that your poor personal appearance is acceptable because the office is business casual is not rational. (Again, bear in mind this is just a role-play and does not infer you ever present an unfavorable appearance.)
In further conclusion: it is important the person who is sensitive to criticism makes the distinction whether the criticism is a) unwarranted nitpicking or b) an appropriate suggestion with respect to the situation. If your investment in time and thought has not been what it should be with regard to circumstances, you are wise not to let the critical remarks of other persons touch a nerve; rather, you must strongly consider the suggestion. On the flip-side, unwarranted, selfish remarks such as those of Agnes are best ignored.
