How to get along with new Coworkers
Coworkers are often one of those inescapable facts of life: They are people who we usually have no say in choosing but in whose company we spend more than half of our waking hours. I say more than half based on how long we are mentally engaged in our workplace situation. A part of this of course is in person but it may continue on in thought, as you ruminate on the events of the day and plan or strategize anxiously for the next one. Workday events can be so emotionally charged that they may even seep into one’s dreams and dreams-cape thus stealing the little rest from the situation you get between one office day and the next. To loosely quote a character line from the movie Waking Life “it isn’t enough they take away my waking hours for minimum wage, they get my dream hours for free”.
A strained relationship with coworkers can make one's working hours anywhere from uncomfortable to next-to-unbearable and can be very hard to improve once the mood has become decidedly negative and attitudes set in as antagonistic. It's therefore crucial to establish a good working relationship that may center on a fair amount of friendliness but more importantly mutual respect. It should be at the very least a pleasant while professionally distanced approach in the beginning that may (or may not) eventually grow into a workplace friendship and partnership. Depending on the situation and social structure of your new work-place there may be some "hazing" involved, whether you are aware of it at first or not.
To just “be yourself” is a popular instruction and a correct one for casual social interaction but not always the most helpful plan. For one thing it’s very much lacking in specificity as not every aspect of yourself is appropriate for the workplace. The irony is that much as you’re obligated to practice self-restraint in which of your aspects you show at work (not the happy-hour party-girl or the politically-incorrect wise-crack) it’s likely that some or many of your coworkers won’t seem to realize that they too are subject to those same rules. You still have to find a way to deal with these situations or accept that you won’t be staying with the company very long, whether it’s you or them that finally terminates the relationship.
A good game plan to start with is to leave the initiation of deeper interactions to others at first and not go out of your way to be the initiator. The idea is to not reveal too much too soon in a surrounding whose dynamics you know nothing about. Just stick to a friendly greeting, a smile, work-related questions, and maybe some neutral news-themes or interesting tid-bits, to start with. This allows you the time to look around and assess everyone's personalities, in part perhaps by overhearing conversations which are made public knowledge when bellowed out around the office and cubicles by less-then-professional coworkers (you don’t want to make this mistake yourself). And by overhearing I don’t mean eavesdropping: that is simply not ethical and not a good way to deal with situations at work or in life. It also makes you seem quite insidious and creepy, to which your new coworkers will soon catch on and make your stay with the company much harder than it needs to be.
The way to go is water cooler talk and similar which can be very revealing of both the personalities of the parties involved as well as any unspoken social rules of that workplace. It’s also a good place to start forming deeper relationships if there are those around with whom you just seem to “click” with almost instantaneously. Just remember that you and them are not the only ones listening or participating – major social points go to those who always try to include those not immediately in the conversation but whose presence may indicate that they too would like to be included in the friendly banter.
Just remember to keep clear of office gossip and those who love to spread the word around, in place of actually doing their work. Most importantly, you should not get involved in any of the existing factions, conflicts and dramas as to avoid initiating new one's starring you at the center of the whole mess. Not only will you become quickly unpopular with many of your coworkers as the "newbie who thinks she/he owns the place" but also your boss who may then peg you as the troublemaker and decide you're not worth your keep. It’s after all far easier to let go of a new hire, still in the probation period, than a worker who has been with the company for years and has already proven his or her merit on some basis.
It’s however also important to hold your ground when in any manner challenged by a difficult coworker and even the boss (although perhaps less forcefully in the latter case) unless losing the position is a choice you can live with at this time. Your situation can always change later down the road and choices open up as long as you continue to work at creating them. Backing down now and just “putting up with it” can establish the kind of precedent that can quickly turn into a pattern of public conceding and private grumbling, high stress, low self-esteem and general unhappiness.
Still the matter should be resolved immediately and as professionally and maturely as possible, letting it all quickly slip into past once addressed to your satisfaction (or close enough). You should do your best not to hold any residual grudges or instigate new ones that would again perpetuate the animosity and land you in the "troublemaker" pile. All of this strategizing should not of course interfere with the actual work you are there to do but only help you in the long run stay more focused, well-connected and thus well-informed on potential new assignments, the company’s inner workings, and your prospects for advancement in relation to it all.
To recap, for successful and relatively speedy integration into a new work place you will need:
A lot of tact and patience coupled with great listening skills (whether you are directly involved in the conversation or not). This also includes reading between the lines and connecting the dots of what the person is really trying to express or achieve in the interaction;
A friendly, polite and respectful attitude toward all and the willingness to work with and adapt to/allow for small differences in personalities that would breed annoyances if approached too rigidly;
The will to hold your ground when necessary and not be manipulated into existing workplace dramas or ushered into new ones, and the ability to finally relax once it's clear you're on friendly ground (or one for which you have a clear navigational map) and start interacting in a more informal manner that is still within the rules of conduct of your workplace.
