How to Cope with being Left at the Altar
If on your wedding day you are visualizing yourself reenacting a scene from "Scarface" where you ask your guests to say hello to your little friend, it is probably safe to say that you have been left at the altar. Okay, so maybe your imagination is not so specific, but you are probably experiencing a wide range of emotions: embarrassment, grief, rage, and shock. The question is, how do you cope?
It will not be for quite some time after you excuse your guests that you will be able to begin the healing process. Depending on the type of person you are, you may even find months of misery ahead of you before the clouds lift. Aside from overcoming that immense feeling of rage, you will have to face that sensation of betrayal your potential partner left you with. Even though it will be hard to admit, you most-likely will be able to discern the symptoms and wrongs of your relationship that led to this point.
In order to begin picking up the pieces and moving forward, you will have to accept what happened. You will need to come to terms with your embarrassment. It can be difficult to embrace the idea that your family and friends were there as an audience to such an event, but it is something that you cannot change. In time, you may be able to look upon the misfortune with a bit of humor, which will certainly help move the healing process along.
One of the worries you will come across as you heal, is whether you will ever be able to place yourself in such a vulnerable position again. Though it is difficult, you will need to recognize that your former fianc was not the right person for you at the time. If you are lucky, you will be smart enough to give yourself sufficient space and time with your next love before making such an important decision. Some of the best lessons in life are learned the hardest way possible. Utilize the opportunity to recognize your faults and mistakes, and try to remember that you dodged a bullet; suffering a little public humiliation is better than going through a messy divorce.
Even if your intended partner wishes to reconcile, time apart is the only thing that can assist you in making such a decision. Some couples do come back from this, but it is rarely immediate. You need room to grow, to heal, and to put your life back together. If you reconcile, do it slowly and make your wishes clear. You will be starting all over again; relearning how to trust, how to love, and remodeling your relationship expectations. Avoid fooling yourself into thinking that everything will be the same. Everything, instead, is quite different.
As you make your way through the grieving process, it is a good idea to reach out to friends and family. These people are here to support and love you, and they will be able to provide a sympathetic ear when you become especially low. Each time you begin to think that you will not be able to survive this, remember that others have before you. You will get through this! Try to tell yourself that yes, today it sucks. But someday soon, it will not suck anymore, and you will always look back at this piece of your life thinking, "How the heck did I ever get through that?"
