Gossip
Engaging in gossip is one of the most sought after pastime specially in the workplace where routine seems to cast a cloud of boredom in our stressful work hours. For those people who know the downside of engaging in this tempting activity, working with a gossip need certain steps to retain one's distance without appearing self righteous and judgmental.
In my experience with people who love gossip, insecurity due to low self esteem is directly proportional to how notorious a gossip is. Some of them have boundless insecurities that your mere sharing of trivial things such as your hobbies, cooking a favorite recipe or whether you work out in the gym can ruffle their feathers and set them off. Now, you landed number one on their gossip list. It baffled me for years why that is so, but insecurity does peculiar things to certain people. Additionally they are averse about those who project an air of confidence and self esteem because they feel they are lacking in beauty. intelligence and even common skills such as cooking, baking, or gardening.
WHO'S WHO
When working in a new company, it helps to be observant with everything around you specially on how your co-workers behave towards the boss and with each other. Try to find out who is the brown nose, who is the gifted employee, who is the people person, who is the hard worker and take note on how they relate and perceive each other. Spotting who is or are the gossips will help you how to navigate this new environment with confidence and ease.
After identifying the person, find out if he or she is somehow close to the boss' inner circle. He or she share a certain bond with the boss like coming from the same town or went to school in the same college Our manager is the kindest, most patient person we've ever worked with and we couldn't be happier to go to work. Unfortunately she hired a town mate who made her and other co-workers' personal lives into fodder for gossip. He even tried to stage a coup de etat with the company owner by telling him that our manager is not fit for her position, meaning he would have been the best candidate for the job!
BE SELFISH WITH YOUR PERSONAL LIFE
A gossip's gold mine is other people's personal lives and the more chaotic it is the juicier material it becomes. Though we may not be able to hide everything about ourselves, being careful with what we reveal can protect us in the long run. When a gossip is wanting in a certain area of his or her life, it may be best not to reveal or insinuate that you are not in the same boat as he or she is. Personal facts like being in the Dean's list as a student when the gossip revealed to you he cheated his way through college will exaggerate his inadequacy and lack of intelligence. When you work closely with a gossip, watching what you share will determine how long you can maintain the harmony at the workplace and even how long you can keep the job.
Knowing how you project yourself may be of help in keeping your distance. You may be the extroverted type but to prevent the gossip from including you in his or her circle and activities, you may project yourself as the introverted, homebody type. That way, he or she will more likely choose other people to share her gossip with.
BE DISINTERESTED
When the gossip starts the ball rolling just as you sat down your desk or in the middle of your tasks, excuse yourself and pretend to go to the bathroom. When you happen to be conversing with the gossip and it is rude if you suddenly stood up and walk away, try changing the topic into something neutral like how cold the room is or how excited your are about the coming company party.
Gossips don't like to be ignored so when they ask something while your are working, don't look up but try answering them while still continuing your task. This is my tactic when the gossip in my workplace immediately visits my work area right after arriving to work and trying to extract information from me who came to work or who didn't. They are very adept at getting their material and details such as whether Lily or Lulu called in sick will tell them whether or not she broke with her boyfriend which will be his or her breaking news at the next coffee break.
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, REVENGE IS STILL A DISH BEST SERVED COLD
Because gossips feel a certain sense of power when they can bludgeon somebody behind their back, denying them that satisfaction by ignoring them is the best revenge. It serves to put them in their place and lets them know you are not affirming his or her behavior. Gossiping about other people allow them to shift the focus away from themselves while emphasizing the imperfections of other people so they tend to love to talk all the time. Forcing them to keep silent brings back their attention to themselves which makes them very uncomfortable.
It was totally a surprise when I found out that the only gossip in our company happened to be a he instead of a she. He had no experience when he was given the job by our boss but because he came from the same town and both their families knew each other since their childhood, he was given the job anyway. He was trained from the ground up and when he can manage by himself, started to discredit the manager by speaking ill of her. I soon found out he does that to the other co-workers as well when he related to me everything he knew about their personal lives. Because three of them have a somewhat unconventional love life, he enjoyed making fun of them and even expected me to laugh at the jokes made in their expense. I began to have the sinking feeling that If he gossips about them, there is no reason why he won't gossip about me.
One of my co-workers finally insinuated the proof of my suspicions in a professional way. She only asked me if I believe a person who pretends to be nice but back stabs others, will most likely do the same to me. I then knew who it was him since only the three of us work the night shift.
To get back at him, we agreed not to indulge the guy on his love for long conversations even though he made it appear we will just be talking about inconsequential things such as what we did on our day off. I found out the guy is talented enough to insert fact finding questions about our personal lives from under our noses without our knowing it. Because she always feel she's rude if she doesn't indulge him, I asked her why should she respect a guy who bludgeons her each time she leaves his presence and like Mr. Hyde, spontaneously reverts back to Dr. Jekyll and talks to her like nothing happened? She even told me she ended up going home later than her work hours because the guy won't let up on her and even followed her into the parking lot.
Allowing him to treat us the way he wanted would only empower him and boost his displaced ego. Now, we pretend to be busy when he arrives and make sure conversations only involve about work. When it strays from there, we would immediately cut it off. Most of the time we just stay silent when he attempts to break the ice with an open question. Questions regarding other employees or the whereabouts of our manager is met with an "I don't know" answer which usually freezes him on his tracks. I personally ignore him when he arrives and when I need to really answer an important inquiry, I just continued what I'm doing without turning or looking up to face him which annoyed him no end.
We knew he got the message because he begins his tasks right after he arrives and not attempt to bother us in our respective work areas. He walks away silently when we ignore his invitation for conversation. The most satisfying of all though is the expression of uneasiness and deflation on his face. His proud stance and self righteous bearing are gone and most of all, his big mouth is finally shut.
