ALT-6 Worst Reasons to Marry
I imagine I discovered the worst reasons to marry on two occasion. It appears as though in each situation I sought resolution to my instability through the bond of infinite companionship. Soon I discovered the delusion of such an illusion.
After terminating the first marriage I found myself responsible for the care of two innocent children. Their father after being severed from our nest by my orders made little effort to ensure their security. Six years later I continue to communicate with his parents and they assist with the needs of their granddaughters.
In the beginning of our marriage we were youthful and free spirited, sharing our perception of the world. We delighted in coffee shop conversations with our friends of kindred liberal spirits. Our circle journeyed from one church to another followed by breathless conversations on the experiences that had consumed our spirit. We were filled with love.
A shadow darkened our marriage in its infancy. His attention drifted to a mesmerizing manifestation of desire. She was lovely in her youth and femininity. Never did a morning pass without her aesthetic ritual. Her hair soft and radiant in the harsh sun-scorched season, her skin infused with hypnotic scents. She was tall and slim and she sauntered with regalia. He was a man and he was riveted. The absence of his devotion was mercurial madness.
He shattered our vows and amidst the shards of our fragile marriage my womb nurtured new life. This became the catalyst of renewed hope. Our twin daughters graced our lives however our marriage dissolved.
I was not alone very long. I was courted by a kind and strong man. His silence was intriguing and I felt safe in his presence. He was loyal and devoted. My family adored him. Still we were not in a hurry for matrimony until the doctor predicted an early hysterectomy.
His casual implications about ever after soon developed into serious discussions because he had no children and the eve of my child bearing days loomed. We married and had our daughter. It seemed the silence that had once captivated me cast our union into a desert of desolation.
Now I am again alone. I still care for him but he has begun a new life with a woman who is silent and has desired him for many years. Our daughter is to be blessed with a little sister this December. I am truly happy for them even with a hint of sadness. I wish I could have been a bit more resilient but still I do have his friendship.
So now I know as I secured my liberty, perhaps it is best I secure my stability before indulging in the obligation of another's emotional needs. Perhaps I will never find the stability as defined by others but I hope to at least love the elements I have discovered about myself amid the silence.
