ALT-1 Long Distance Maid of Honor
Historically, the maid of honor was the person who helped the bride get ready on her wedding day. Throughout the years, a wedding has become a more elaborate event and members of the wedding party have taken on a new role. The maid of honor is not only the wedding day helper but also the support system during the planning process leading up to the wedding. So how does a bride deal with a long-distance maid of honor?
The decision to ask someone to be your maid of honor is the first step. Your maid of honor is the person you want to stand up with you while you exchange your vows with your new husband. This can be a best friend, a sister or another close relative. This distinguished honor isn't meant for just anybody and the decision shouldn't be made based solely on geography. If your intended maid of honor is not local, don't let that stop you from asking her.
Once you have made your choice and extended the invitation, there are two possible responses. First, be prepared if the person you have asked is not able to make the trip for your wedding. Ideally anyone should be able to participate with enough advance notice but that is not reality. Depending on the circumstances, the most important person in your wedding party may not be able to attend. If that is the case, don't despair. This was the person you chose for a reason so thank her and tell her that she will be there in your heart. The other response is that your maid of honor will absolutely be there. Maintaining a long-distance wedding relationship with your maid of honor will take effort. But if this person meant enough to you for you to ask her in the first place, the effort will be worth it.
Just like with any other relationship, communication is the key. In this new age of technology, this shouldn't be difficult. Send a text message when you have an appointment that you would have dragged her to and let her know how it went. E-mail pictures of the dresses you tried on and the potential wedding party dresses. Call her when you need to vent. Wedding planning can be an emotional time as you try to make sure everything is perfect. Because we live in an imperfect world, there will be times when you need someone to talk to, to cry on a shoulder. Don't let physical distance stop you from sharing the experience with her.
In addition to the emotional support that your maid of honor will provide, she will also be physically present at your wedding. You must accommodate her when selecting your wedding party attire. If the dresses are from a chain bridal shop, see if there is one in her area. If so, tell her the style number and the specifications and she can try on the dress and get measured at her convenience. If the dresses are from a local boutique, still provide the style number, specifications, and pictures if possible. Have your maid of honor get measured and provide the measurements to the shop. They will be able to either pick out a size for her or order the dress based on the measurements. It may make sense to have your maid of honor take a quick weekend trip to visit for a fitting and alteration session. If this is feasible schedule-wise, then offer to help financially if it is in your budget. In fact, you should try to include expenses such as this in your budget.
As soon as possible, send your maid of honor the agenda. If there is a rehearsal dinner or other pre-wedding and post-wedding parties, let her know so she can make arrangements. Help with her travel arrangements by sending her possible flights, hotel accommodations, and car rental options. You certainly are not required to book reservations or pay for her travel but providing some choices can help, especially if she is not familiar with the area. It is also a good idea to set some time aside to greet her when she arrives and make sure she gets settled. This may not be possible as the days before a wedding are usually accompanied by a flurry of activity and appointments. If you can't be there personally, try to send someone else or make time to see her at some point after she arrives. You don't want your first meeting to be during the rehearsal where you should be practicing, not catching up with your maid of honor.
Weddings are magical and it is important to be surrounded by the people you love. If your loved one is willing to accept the title of maid of honor, meet her halfway and make sure that you are putting in the effort that is required on your end. You can make a long-distance maid of honor work and remember that there is life after wedding so make sure that you will remain friends long after the I Do's.
