Worst Reason to Marry Love and Marriage getting Engaged
Nowadays, we sometimes feel as if we know so much, and yet so little; Life ebbs and flows in a way we do not understand. And just when we THINK we have it figured, it changes. The same is true of marriage mores and values. Once upon a time, life was dictated in such a way that by a certain age, you were married and had kids. Mom was a stay at home mom, and Dad was the breadwinner. To this very day we tend to think in those stereotypical images: however, those "Father Knows Best" days are gone. They've been replaced by a high tech; high stress, 2-paycheck family, and the reasons to marry are diverse.
Over all, I would have to say the worst reason to marry is because it was arranged FOR you, on your day of birth. There ARE some countries that cling to this antiquated tradition, like India for instance. Indian men and woman are betrothed to each other, instead of marrying for love.
Personally, I cannot fathom marrying someone I not only don't love, but don't even KNOW. You cannot have respect for someone you do not know. Particularly bad is the fact that once the husband gets his new wife pregnant, he leaves. He leaves for some other country to find work, and "visits" home approximately every 18 months. Hopefully the wife has family to fall back on.
Of course America has a slightly different version of this, laughingly called a "shotgun" wedding, where the guy is held at gunpoint by a farmer, until the "boyfriend" says "I do" with the farmer's daughter. I'm not even sure that shotgun weddings are real; they COULD just be part of what makes certain movies comedic: but the idea is the same; being FORCED to marry someone. It's very easy to cheat on someone you don't love.
A spouse marrying his/her mistress/ playboy is another bad reason to marry, because statistics show once a cheater, always a cheater. When the cheater is a man, neither he nor the mistress realize that many men turn to affirmation of their masculinity because they have hit Mid-Life Crises. One day, a guy who has it all; career, home, lovely wife and kids, decides he doesn't know who he is anymore or where his life is headed. He wants to be young again, to feel invigorated the way he felt back then, when ANYTHING was possible. These men fret because they have met all the goals they set for themselves, and it doesn't occur to them to set more goals. New, CHALLENGING goals.
Deciding to marry because a spouse found out about the cheating is never a good idea; not to mention, once the newness wears off, the same old problem remains: the guy still has low self-esteem as to where he fits in, now that he is older.
Unfortunately, the mistress he marries really believes they were in love. She has developed what she thinks is love: he has married to satisfy a false reality that a younger woman and hot sex is the end all of life. And if he's older than his new wife, sooner or later the age gap catches up to him as well. He will find himself wanting to stay in, drink beer, and watch sports, while she wants to go Rollerblading and bar hopping. She's young and pretty, and misses flirting with guys her own age.
Then there are the men and women who marry because they think they should: all their friends are married, so there must be something to the "marriage thing" that they are missing. But in all actuality, they aren't "missing" anything; it could just be coincidence that their friends fell in love the way they did, but love was definitely there. For couples who marry out of curiosity, they willl find married life sorely lacking in emotional connection or personal compatibility.
These are ALSO the couples who are not surprised that the divorce rate is so high in our country.
And in the end, there is really only one reason TO marry: Love. Love encompasses compassion and patience when a spouse is in need, or becomes ill; it enfolds the laughter and pain that can sometimes take one unaware. It makes the willingness to fight for a future worth while, especially when said couple is at around Year 5 when there is SO much yelling and screaming at each other going on. This occurs when both husband and wife are SO used to each others' foibles that they stop seeing each other as people.
With respect, love deepens and grows down through the seasons. Married couples take a breath, step back, and reacquaint with each other just exactly what it was they fell in love with. It's that sweet, sweet breath of fresh air that started it all, all those years ago.
