When you have other plans for Thanksgiving

From 3arf

If you are invited for a Thanksgiving dinner, chances are that the hosts of the dinner had good reason to suppose that you would attend. These may be family obligations. They may be celebrations with newfound friends or people who simply want you within their circle of friends. However, not all Thanksgiving dinners are enjoyable. The company may be irritating, the hosts overpowering or you may simply want to pass Thanksgiving away from those who graciously invited you. The problem is that there are social expectancies of you to attend. However, there are always ways to back out graciously without sounding ungrateful and these are potentially the best alternatives to dining with people you simply don't want to dine with on Thanksgiving.

This one is an argument that no one can deny you. If the invitation comes from outside the family, you can make it very clear that Thanskgiving is a time that you need to spend with your immediate or distant family. People understand that generally and don't see it as a slur or a rejection that makes you look ungrateful. They may be unaware of your family commitments and not even know where your family live, so it's a good blanket excuse to decline an invitation.

The problem with this excuse is that you really do need to cover yourself with people who are a little suspicious about your motives. Name Aunt Sally if you need to, but you need to have a good memory and remember where it was you were supposed to have been for Thanksgiving. Friends may just ask you at a later time.

You obviously can't attend if you have other more pressing engagements. If you really feel like Thanksgiving is a waste of time and don't want to celebrate, why not look into charity organisations within your area. If, for example, you are helping the poor, even for your own selfish reasons, you may just learn the magic of Thanksgiving and have the perfect excuse to decline. For example, soup kitchens that feed the homeless are always looking for someone to assist. Similarly, hospices or hospitals may be on the lookout for volunteers to help with patients who have very little to be cheerful about.

The best thing about an excuse like this is that people understand in general that someone has to do charitable things. Even if your motive is a little deceiptful in the first place to avoid having to visit with family, you may just learn something you never knew about yourself in the process.

Seeing people in positions much less fortunate than your own puts things into perspective. The child who is ill may just give the most radiant smile when offered a little Thanksgiving cheer. The homeless man who lives in the cardboard box in the local alleyway may give you the warmest feeling you ever felt as you hand him his bowl of soup. The world offers a wholeload of opportunityto everyone to be charitable at a time like Thanksgiving and what people who work in soup kitchens learn is that their lot in life isn't so bad. They also learn humility and that's a really important aspect to being thankful.

If you decline an invitation for a good reason and make yourself available to those who perhaps need your help, it may change your entire concept of what Thanksgiving is all about, but would certainly give you a very valid reason to decline an invitation graciously.

If someone goes to the trouble of inviting you to their Thanksgiving dinner, at least appreciate that you were given an invitation, even if the people who invited you are the last people on earth you would wish to share this time with. Saying you can't come isn't enough. It looks ungrateful and also looks like you don't want to be with those people offering the invitation. If you are going to refuse, don't use selfish excuses as these are extremely thoughtless.

Poor people who invited you to share what little they have may be shocked at a blunt refusal to come to dinner. They may also feel you think they are not good enough to dine with. Thanksgiving is about sharing but it's also about much more than that. It's about being kind to people who are being generous to you and that includes coming up with reasons which are valid for your refusal to dine at the house of the potential host. "I'm busy." just doesn't cut it. Explain what it is that you are busy with and people understand and don't feel your ingratitude.

"I just want to be alone." reeks of selfishness. "I don't celebrate Thanksgiving." reeks of bitterness. If you learn to keep your personal reasons to yourself and come up with acceptable reasons, they may just invite you again next year and, who knows, you may be very glad that they did. People's circumstances change greatly over the course of a year and perhaps next year, when you are down on your luck and short of friendship, the warmth your hosts can offer will be a very welcome reward for your discretion this year when refusing their dinner invitation.

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