Ways to Convince yourself your Minivan Drives like a Corvette
We humans have mastered the art of rationalization, imagination and wishful thinking but it's not impossible to pretend you are in a sports car once inside anything. To start, a relatively cheap after-market exhaust system with booming basso sound does a nice job for the auditory foolery. An upgrade of a leather wrapped steering wheel is also a must for attaining a sporting grasp of the steering inputs and feedback from the road. Then maybe add a good sound system and play the soundtrack of Top Gun in CD format. The sunroof option is a must because almost all Corvettes have a removable top so you'll need a little wind coming from the top side of the vehicle.
When it comes to leather, your MiniVette will also need the upgraded leather seats that hug you as you push the tiny tires to the limits on the twisting roads. Even though your MiniVette is an automatic shift you'll want to grab the stalk with your driving glove dawned hands and tell that car what gear you want it in by holding first gear until the vibration almost shakes your baby on board sign loose. Once you've unsuctioned the signs from your windows and the honor roll student bumper stickers are starting to peel you may then up-shift to second, at which point with any luck you'll hear a slight chirp from the rear tires.
When at a stop light you must always look to your left or right and size up the competition and feather the throttle a bit so as to let your intentions be known. I suggest once again dropping the gear to 1st, powering up the throttle while one foot is on the brake allowing the rear wheels to spin while going nowhere. This action should create sufficient white tire smoke and warm the tires up for good grip at the launch once the light turns green. When the car next to you leaves you in the dust at the green light don't worry, you still have the Top Gun CD to crank up.
Once you get home you can log on to www.digitalcorvettes.com and order some dashboard letters that say Corvette and stick one your passenger side dash for added effect, they come in all colors too. The same company also sells the prized Corvette checkered flag logo which can be stuck to the center of the steering wheel, now you're really cookin'. You can also get a lowering kit which will lower the center of gravity thereby allowing your MiniVette to corner better with less body roll.
Now that you have yourself fittingly fooled you'll have to be careful to hold your grandiosity to a first person point of view. Society doesn't respect the poor Minivan and all it stands for but as long as you are inside your own MiniVette world nothing can touch you.
