The Engagement an Identity Crisis for Professional Women
The Average Man
Ever since she was younger, Amanda Michaels had always dreamed of a Cinderella wedding. With her sandy speckled blonde hair in a bun and her French manicured nails, she dreamed of wearing a white, puffed up Gucci wedding gown every girl dreamed of. She would get married on Lake Blue, the same lake her parents met at, and all of her friends and family would be there.Amanda had always wanted to work with people, but never in an office. She wanted to be a photographer. With her Cannon camera that she received when she was five, she would want to capture the essence of love, life, and happiness of a child playing in the vast sandbox. With the sun gleaming from the heavens onto Lake Blue, she wanted to take pictures of seagulls flying right above the cool water. She wanted work to be enticing, and she wanted to stand out.Now, at age twenty-six, Amanda works in an office for a boss who hates colorand life in general. She worked in a grey box that engulfed her. With a video camera in front of her, she had to watch her every move, being careful not to do anything that would get her fired. Somewhere where she swore she would never work, however, she met someonesomeone that she was interested in.After a short time working as an advice columnist for a newspaper, she met someone. His name was Michael Andrews, Mike for short. He was nice, and he was easy to get along with. He was different than other guys that she had dated. He had settled down and he worked for a company that made toys for children. He was successful, brilliant, and very wealthy. Now, after three years of dating and two years of planning, they were ready to settle down with each other. They were ready to get married.A tall, average weighted man stood next to the brick wall outside the church. With his scuffed up, medium ash brown hair and pale narrow cheek-boned face, he had his left foot up against the wall and his brown, leather jacket thrown over his right shoulder. With sadness in his eyes, he looked down as he pulled out a golden pocket watch that looked rustic from his left, blue jean pocket. He then placed the watch carefully inside his jeans and looked up.An ordinary man, he waited outside for minutes. When the clock struck one-thirty in the afternoon, he slouched his back and sat his tired body that was lacking food down on the cool, damp grass. He then placed his jacket on the cemented stairs of the church.With his finger tapping on his leg, he was quiet, almost sulky. Still sitting on the grass, he looked at the pocket watch again that his grandpa had given him, this time with bags underneath his light green eyes.Trying to open the pocket watch, it fell apart on his brown, cashmere sweater. With no way to fix it, tears arose, filling his even more saddened eyes.As the church doors opened, he stood up and brushed off the dirt from his backside. Placing the broken watch in his pocket, he grabbed his jacket and threw it on. He then glanced at the beautiful bride that stood before him.Only seeing the backside of her sandy blonde hair, he walked over. As soon as she turned around, however, the man was a bit confused. Isn't this a wedding for her? he asked himself. I could've sworn that I heard correctly. My friend said that she was in the wedding, so where is she? Isn't she getting married?"Hello?" the bride asked.Silence fell between the man and the bride for a minute. Then, after hearing hello again and not being wrapped up in his own thoughts, the man finally spoke."Hi. Congratulations" the man stopped, thinking about what to say next. "with the wedding and everything.""Thank you," the bride said in a soft, gentle voice. "Thank you very much, and thank you for coming." With the second thank you, the man knew she really meant what she was saying, but he was a bit confused. He had never actually gone inside. He went along with it, though, and started to walk away."John?" a surprised voice asked in the distance. "John, is that really you?"The man quickly turned around to see that the voice was moving rapidly down the church stairs, trying not to hit anyone or knock anyone off in the process."John, it is you," the voice said with a relief, holding onto his coffee scented clothes.Standing before him was a young woman. She was twenty-six years old, and she had sandy, curled-up-in-a-bun blonde hair just like the bride. She wore a light blue dress that fitted her perfectly and at the end of the dress there was a tail at the end. Round enough for her to walk in, the dress flowed on her size four body. She pushed her bangs back behind her ears and grabbed a hold of him again."Amanda?" John said in a questioning voice. "You weren't getting married today? You aren't the bride?"Giggling she said, "Of course, I'm not the bride. I'm the matron of honor. I'm not getting married, or at least not yet.""Oh, what a relief," he muttered under his breath."What?""Nnothing." A great pause fell between the two. "So, are you seeing anybody?""I dated a man for a while.""And, what happened?" John asked curiously."I'm engaged.""Oh," John said disappointedly as his heart fell from a ten thousand foot mountain. As he tried to think what to say, his vision began to get cloudy. Before he let a tear drop on the already wet grass, he turned around and "coughed" and turned back. Then, while he was asking when the wedding was, he started choking on the words. He didn't want to ask. He wanted to marry Amanda, not have her marry some other person. He wanted to be the lighter that lit her candle. He wanted to be the fire burning the logs. He wanted to be close to her and touch her. He wanted words to flow out of his mouth and tell her how angry he was at her and that he loved her. If he did that, however, he would never get Amanda back."The wedding?" Amanda asked giggling. "The wedding is on December sixth at St. Peter's Cathedral. I sent out invitations awhile ago, but I didn't remember your address, and with the possibility of you living somewhere else""Amanda!""Yes?""You're babbling.""I am?" she asked disappointedly. "I said to myself that I wouldn't do that after we dated." When Amanda said that, she smiled at him and pushed her bangs back once more. She took out two bobby pins and stuck her bangs in with the rest of her hair so that they wouldn't get into the way."Amanda?" A voice called out from the distance. "Amanda, honey! We best go to the reception. The meter is running and it has almost expired. Come along please.""Oh, John, I want you to meet someone." Amanda dragged John over to the black Suburban vehicle that stood over Amanda's 5' 8" body. "John, this is Michael, my fianc. Michael, this is John, a friend of mine.""Hi, John!" Michael said while getting out of the vehicle. He was excited to meet a new friend of Amanda's. "Nice to meet you!" Mike then stuck out his manly hand and grabbed John's hand with a smile."Same here," John stated trying to act like he liked the man that replaced him in Amanda's life.So, this is the person who she fell in love with? John thought to himself while still shaking Mike's hand. Hmmhe does have nice shoes. Armanior Gucci. Great! The dude's wealthy. He has a nice, light grey blazer on, and he has nice shoes. John then looked over at his love, still shaking Michael's hand in disgust. What happened to you, Amanda? You said you would never date a guy like this. What happened to us?Ring. Ring. Ring. R "Hello?" a female voice answered wondering who would be calling her at this time of night."Amanda? Amanda, is this you?""John?" she glanced over at the clock on her pink wall across from her princess bed. "It's threein the morning.""Amanda, can I come over?""At three in the morning? Are you crazy? Why can't you just wait until?" she was cut off by John's tears. "John, are you all right?""Wwhat?""Are you okay?" she asked being more awake."Yyyes.""Then why are you...?""Do you remember my grandfather? The one who you would go to for mud-pie making when we were five?""Yes, I remember," Amanda said, fearing she knew what the next part of what John was going to say."He died. The doctors said that he had a heart attack around eleven last night, and my mom found him around twelve.""John, just stay right where you are at. I'll come to you, all right? Where are you at?""I'm at my house in my room.""Okay, just stay there. I'll climb up the ladder. Just leave the window open so that I can get in, all right? John?""Okay. Just hurry. I need somebody right now."Jumping in her car, she threw on her pink, fuzzy bunny slippers, and she threw on her school sweatshirt. She started up the car and went to John's house to comfort the man who cried, who sat on the bed in grief and with the memories of his beloved grandfather. The only thing that he had left from his peppermint scented grandfather was his pocket watch.What happened to us, Amanda? What happened to that burning desire that we called love? Doesn't the past twenty-one years mean anything to you?"Well, bud, the meter's running, so we have to go. Nice to meet". Just as Michael turned around, he saw the ticket being placed on the Suburban. "Hey? Don't you see we're leaving? It's a wedding! You can't give a ticket someone who's at a wedding! Wait!""Well, that's my cue to head out," Amanda said blushing."Yeah, you better go stop your fianc before he gets arrested," John said thinking the guy was a newt. "See you later.""Bye!"Walking away from the church, thinking about Amanda, he jumped into his red, 1991 Cavalier, and slammed the door tight shut. Once he put the key in ignition, he turned up the built in stereo and listened to Queen. He then turned up the air conditioning full blast.Driving away from St. Peter's, thoughts ran through his head like newspapers being sorted out. He tried to think about what went wrong along the line. He distanced himself away from her after his grandfather died, but that couldn't be changed. All that could be done now was try to gain her affection back by December. Wait, December? John thought for a moment. December sixth. What day is it? At a red light, John grabbed the Saturday's newspaper and glanced up at the top. It's October second? I have two months? How can I stop a wedding in two months? What should I do?John, not falling asleep any time soon, lay awake in bed. Checking the time, he glanced over at the broken pocket watch. Muttering under his breath, John said "Thank you, Grandpa." John slowly closed his tired eyes and slept until nine in the morning.Waking up, John threw his covers off of his weak, limp body. After going to the restroom, he entered the kitchen and put on the cup of coffee. Turning on the television, he turned the volume on low and picked up the phone. He dialed, and his heart jumped with anticipation and anxiousness from nerves as the phone rang.Please pick up. Just pick up the phone so we could talk. Please, Amanda, just let me hear your sweet, rose like voice. Just"Hello?""Amanda?""Yeah, John, it's me. What do you want?""What are you doing today? Do you have any plans, because if you don't, I was wondering if you wanted to take a drive with me? Let's say around ten this morning?""Okay. It sounds like funbut why?""Well, it's my grandfather's""Anniversary. It's the anniversary of his death, isn't it?""Yeah," John said in a calm, saddened voice. "Yes it is.""Sure, I'll come with you. It will be like old times.""Okay, so I'll see you at ten.""Tenright. Okay. See you then.""Right, see you."Getting off the phone, John walked with joy in his heart to get dressed quickly. After getting dressed, he chugged down his cup of coffee with six sugars and two creams and grabbed his car keys. He jolted down to his car and headed to her house. Once there, he rang the doorbell after knocking a couple of times. Right when he was about to ring the doorbell once more, the door opened. Behind the door was a lovely girl standing in nice blue designer jeans and a red, buttoned down silk shirt that flowed like a ribbon in a person's hair. When he looked closer, he noticed that there was a card in her right hand, and multihued flowers in her left."What are those for?" John asked as he took Amanda to the passenger's side of the car."For a special occasion." Right when she stepped in the car she got right back out and pulled John closer to her. The two stood there gazing into each other's eyes. Each of them looked deeper inside each other's souls and into their hearts. They both saw the passion of love that was amongst them. "I almost forgot to give you this," she spoke sweetly, breaking the silence. "This is the invitation to the wedding. I would really like you to come. It would mean a lot to me.""Sure," he said brushing the back of his hand against her soft, rosy cheek. "Anything for you." Amanda then stepped into the car as well as John, and they both left the driveway of her soon-to-be house.Driving to the gravesite was pure silence. Neither of them talked because they knew if they did speak, they would rekindle their relationship, and Amanda would hurt Michael, and she didn't want to do that. She couldn't. She could never hurt a person like that. She's been through that many other times in her life. She didn't want to break Michael's heart.As soon as they arrived at the gravesite, John stepped out of the car, leaving Amanda sitting for a moment. He went to the other side and opened up the passenger door. She grasped the flowers with her left hand and stepped out of the low sitting car. Once out, they both walked over to the grave.Saying the Lord's Prayer, they knelt down on the grass that was covered with multicolored leaves and they placed their hands onto the Wal-Mart plastic flowers. Their hands touching each other, they slowly placed the flowers in the dirt, being careful so that they wouldn't bend the cheap, delicate flowers. After the flowers were placed in the dirt, Amanda stood up, leaving John, who still knelt on the leaves. Watching him like a hawk, she saw closely that he started to cry. She then knelt back down with him and placed his arms around her twig like body. They both just knelt there, holding each other and remembering the good times that they both had with his grandfather."Shh," she whispered in his ear in a soothing voice. "It will be okay. It will be all right," she said still whispering, still trying to calm him. "Everything is going to be fine. Your grandfather is happy. I know how close you were to him, but he's in a better place, and he loves you."After their knees were wet from the damp leaves, they both stood up and walked to the car, both holding each other's hands. Once in the car, John drove off. "Do you want to get something to eat?" he asked."That would be nice. I'd like that. Thank you." Once she agreed to lunch, he took her to this small town with a small town restaurant. In the restaurant, every worker smiled and greeted you. The clean air was kid friendly, which made the taste of food even better. When eating, Amanda kept commenting on how delicious the food was."How did you find this place?" Amanda asked, wondering why John had never taken her here before."I didn't," he replied. "My grandpa did. He took me to this place when I was a kid, and I just thought that I could share part of his life with you, besides the farm, cow tipping life that is.""Well, thank you. I feel really honoredand this place has great food! Thank you.""You're welcome," John replied, feeling appreciated.Finishing their food, John paid, and they both entered the low-sitting vehicle once again and headed for home. While heading home, they both discussed on the past five years of their lives that they hadn't shared with each other, and they both enjoyed each other's company. Then, right when he pulled into the black paved driveway, John quickly ran to the other side of the car and opened the door for Amanda."Thanks, John," she said with a smile on her face. As soon as she said that, they were at the door. "Well, this is where I get off.""YeahI guess. See you later."As soon as John turned away, Amanda quickly ran up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Right when he turned to look at Amanda, they both stared deeply into each other's eyes. "Thank you. Thank you for everything."John then reached out his hand to hold her soft, delicate white skinned hand, and with his left hand, took her beautiful, silky white cheek into the palm of his, and without a moment's hesitation, their lips locked."Well" Amanda said, not really knowing what to say after that. "I should probably get going. It's getting colder and darker outside.""Right," John replied. "See you later.""We'll see," Amanda said glaring at him with love in her eye.John walked back to the car with love in his heart again. He jumped inside, started the ignition, and headed for home. While driving, however, he did not concentrate on the road. All he could focus on was Amanda and that passionate kiss that they both shared together.November passed rapidly. It passed so fast that you could've sworn that it was still October. The trees had changed colors like they always do, and eventually they had fallen off. Then, around Thanksgiving, a light snowfall covered the ground, reminding everyone that it was getting closer to winter, and Christmas was approaching. But that snowfall had reminded someone else about something very important. A wedding was coming up in thirteen days.Over time, Amanda and John had talked to each other. Amanda, being cautious about not kissing John again, always kept an eye on his hands. She also tried to keep her distance, but with John, he always found a way to run into her, wherever she may have been.Once, when she was at the town square enjoying a cup of coffee and listening to the beat of the drums, John went up to her and asked her to dance. She accepted because she liked to have fun, and then, after the dance was over, he pulled her behind a green pine tree and kissed her on the lips once again."We have got to stop doing this," she replied to him in an embarrassing, angry, but pleasurable tone."Why? Because of Mikey?""Yes. I am getting married in a month. I know you haven't grown up, but I have, John. Now stay away from me.""Come on. You don't expect me to stay away from you after kissing you twice when you're engaged, do you? And after all that we've been through. I love you""Don't. Don't say that you love me. Don't finish that sentence. Just stay away, and stop calling me. Stay away from the church. Stay away from my wedding. Don't go. Just stay away from me.""Why?""Because!" Amanda yelled angrily at John. "Because I can't love you. I love someone else. I am marrying someone else. I know in your fantasy that you think I am in love with you, but I'm not. I'm in love with Michael. So please, just stop loving me. Just stop talking to me.""It's not that simple.""It is. It has to be that simple. I don't love you any more, John. That was five years ago, and I didn't know what I wanted. I was nave. Now, go home, and meet someone else, and please, don't love me anymore." After she said that, she walked back to the car and left.Days went past without talking to her, and then, after driving to the town square on a cold, snowy morning, he passed a clock shop. Parking, he stepped out of his vehicle and entered."High, welcome to Rick's Time!" the clerk said. "What can I do for you, boy?""Hi, I was wondering if you could fix this." John reached into his coat pocket to look for the watch, but it wasn't there. Instead, it was in his other jacket that he had given Amanda to wear. She never returned it."Can you find what you're looking for?" the clerk asked."Ummm...no," John replied with concern and a quiver in his voice. "You know what, I think I will come back later in the week.""Okay. Hope you find what you're looking for." About to leave the shop, John turned around and asked what day it was."The day?" the clerk asked to clarify. "It's December sixth.""Thanks," John replied, knowing what he must do.While John was driving to the church, Amanda was trying to call him. She had left several messages on his cell-phone and several messages on his answering machine at his home."Look, John. I really need to talk to you. I think I have something of yours that may be of some importance. It was broken when I found it, but I took it into a shop to get it fixed. Look, I really didn't mean what I said, I was just confused. Please call me back. I really need to talk to you." All of the messages that Amanda had left were like that.A tall, average weighted man stood next to the brick wall outside the church. With his scuffed up, medium ash brown hair and pale narrow cheek-boned face, he had his left foot up against the wall and he wore his heavy, blue winter coat. Watching everyone enter the church, he just stood therewaiting. He was trying to decide what to do.He didn't want to hurt her feelings more than he already had, but he loved her so much. Maybe that's why he did it. Maybe that's why he walked away from the church. He didn't want to hurt her feelings any more than he already had, so he let her be. He let her be happy. If she loved this man as much as she said she did, then he was all right with that. He wanted her to be happy. If she was happy, then he was happy. So John left with his clothes packed up in three suitcases and garbage bags. He left with his camera and guitar, and he left with the newspaper that she had written for. He would read it at stops along the way to where he was headed. He was content with his decision, but would she be, too?Would Amanda really go through with the wedding. She loved Michael, but she loved John's freedom. She wanted John to rescue her from the nightmare that she was living in and carry her to the lake to get married on the water with seagulls flying behind them. Because she wanted this, she waited inside her dressing roomalone. She waited for her knight in shining armor, but he never came. Because he left, she went on with the wedding, but there would always be that question in the back of her mind: why did she marry the average man?
