The Efficacy of the Hummer – No
If there is any justice in the world, then there is a special kind of Hell for those who indulge in crass inanities. Okay, so wearing fluorescent pantaloons and mirrored stove-pipes a-la seventies Glam sensation Slade isn't exactly a guarantor of such a billet for the afterlife, but it's as good an exemplum as any for the type of behaviour likely to be favoured by the nefarious powers of this putative place. Another example would be an ostentatious show of wealth, especially in a slum area. Then again, this would not be just totally wrong, but also totally stupid, as the more ordinary residents thereof would soon tire of this sick show and burn whatever it is to the ground without a care for whether the occupant is in situ.
The HumVee isn't exactly the most expensive car on the road, and neither do their owners tend to frequent ghettos (unless they happen to have names like Busta Pee Diddly-Squat Cent or some-such). It was originally designed as a military vehicle of the type Willys made during World War Two, albeit with testicles grafted from a Bull Mammoth. As such, there are smaller countries; indeed, I am surprised and amazed that it doesn't have its own gravitational field, complete with smaller objects in orbit like buildings and moons.
The version for civvy-street is, perhaps, small enough to fit into towns, as opposed to the other way around - and we should be grateful for smaller mercies. But it is still unfeasibly large - more the size of a car dealer's garage than the vehicles therein.As such, it is something of a Kraken in a pool made for Koi carp. And it isn't as if it has any special kind of ability.Sure, it can climb up a craggy rock face with comparative ease - but Land-Rovers have been doing that sort of thing much better for much longer, and much cheaper. In contrast to many American cars from the relatively recent past, the Hummer seems to have been put together by other than a troupe of chimps drunk on fermented guava. But again, building robust vehicles is a speciality of Land-Rover, most of whose cars stretching back to 1948 are still on the road today. The Japanese, too, build cars which won't disintegrate the moment the driver so much as imagines a speck of dust in the middle of the road - and these cars are good for doing many of the things which would give the Hummer's designers nightmares in perpetuity.
They say we have Arnie to thank for the road-going Hummer. This is, possibly, very telling - as Herr Schwarzenegger may have quite a few good points, but taste and refinement aren't necessarily among them. Indeed, it is telling in that Schwarzenegger is known for his brash, shoot-first-and-mumble-incoherently-later movie roles, in addition to his governorship of California, and the Hummer tends to appeal to that gung-ho, brains-in-the-pantaloons Neanderthal stereotype. Then again, being a gung-ho, brains-in-the-pantaloons Neanderthal isn't against the law; nor should it be, for sensible laws should be about preventing harm to third parties, and settling disputes, rather than wiping people's bottoms. Yes, it is possible that such a person might plough into a group of pensioners at a bus-stop. But then so might they in a Volkswagen camper van, a Deux Chevaux or even a bicycle under the influence of a steep hill. And at least if the idiot is driving a Hummer, you know who he is, and can take avoiding action.
Should the Hummer be legislated out of existence, therefore, it will be a sad day for freedom. Of course, it's an atrocious vehicle designed for the emotionally insecure, but the owners should be pitied rather than criminalised.
