Surviving the Workplace
Right off the top of my head, I can only think of one place that I'd rather be than at work. That place, of course, is anywhere else. Where else can one go to be insulted multiple times on a daily basis for giving as close to 100% as humanly possible? The economy is struggling, and the results are twofold: there are thousands of people stading in line who would love to have YOUR job; and management is hell bent on micro-managing every move that the hourly employees make. Yes, we can plainly see that they're standing around with their hands in their pockets all day long, but if any of the rest of us stop for a split second, there's hell to pay. There's that word...hell. I can honestly say that I've stopped going to church because of the politics on the workroom floor. Why? When forty-five (or so) hours of my week are THAT miserable, I have become complacent and no longer fear the possibilities of visiting purgatory or Hades itself. It's time to get out of that mindset, and, fortunately, there are ways of surviving the worst of situations.
The idea here is to survive the workplace, and this should end at the time clock. People work in order to pay bills and afford to have fun at their own leisure, and it's important to remember that there are one-hundred sixty-eight hours in a week. After subtracting the time spent at work, the vast majority of this time is ours to do with as we please. Thus, the ill will associated with any job should never cross your threshhold. It's imperative to have a hobby or something that brings joy to your life, and it doesn't matter if it's golfing, fishing, watching Oprah, taking a nap, or chasing the dog around the house. Simply unwind and forget about your job until the alarm clock strikes a sour note again the next morning. Then it's time to get up and do it all over again. Let's look at a few ideas for surviving while on the clock.
I'm not one to recommend brown-nosing, but there are a few trite phrases that are bound to please even the worst of bosses. First and foremost, occasionally say, "I love my job" in front of all the right people. It may be difficult, but it's the kind of advertising that is almost guaranteed to keep Mr. or Ms. Big off of your back. Some other good phrases are "team player" and "the customer's always right." The latter is fairly easy to understand, but in this age of smug individualism, does anybody really know what a team player is? I certainly don't, and I'd be willing to bet that the CEO of the corporation is just as ignorant to the meaning as I am. Nevertheless, tell everybody who is higher up on the food chain what they want to hear, but be sure not to overdo it.
Why shouldn't I lather them up as much as possible? The idea is to not violate another important rule of surviving in the workplace: fly under the radar. This can be done by keeping the employee/management conversation to a minimum. Sure, use those insipid cliches listed above when the need arises, but otherwise it's best to shut up and not get noticed. It's impossible to don a cloak of invisibilty, but if most of the supervisors have no clue regarding your name, you get an A+ in this category. Basically, if you don't bark or growl too much, even the meanest master will come by and pat you on the head from time-to-time.
It's also important to remember that there is a rat in every hole, and every office has several gossips and snitches who live to blow the whistle on a willing victim. Thus, don't set yourself up for a fall. New employees are smart to not trust anybody at first, and from there it's important to choose friends wisely. Those who do crazy things like date co-workers might as well be wearing neon signs around their necks. That one will definitely put you ON the radar. It's also important to remember that no matter how good of a person you are, somebody in this world hates you. It's impossible to avoid these types completely, but when it happens, talk about the weather or your favorite song or color. Things like politics and sports should be avoided. At all cost, be boring; these psychic vampires feed on your energy, so be as dull as possible!
Finally, here are a couple of ideas that work well in the blue collar workplace. If it's allowed, wear headphones and listen to your favorite music or a book on CD while working. This will enable you to avoid all of the politicking and banter, and it will let you go to a happy place even when you're somewhere that makes you unhappy. Also, pay attention to things such as who called in sick that day. Often enough, the rest of the crew will have to work overtime to make up for any absences. Honestly, if you don't like your job, do you want to be there any longer than you have to? Here's an idea: if the boss comes around looking for someone to work overtime, conveniently go to the bathroom or make yourself scarce in any number of ways that labor laws allow. Above all else, never volunteer for anything because the majority of the time it will be something bad.
Surviving the workplace is as easy as flipping an on/off switch. It should certainly be off when you're home, and there are opportunities for doing the same during the course of the work day. We are all acquainted with many profanities that are made up of four letter words, and the word W-O-R-K doesn't consist of four letters by accident. Rest assured of that! Somebody knew exactly what he or she was doing when the "W" word became part of the lexicon. Just be certain to remain aloof, in a polite sort of way, and don't become an active part of the idiocy that is a huge part of every workplace. Even the worst day has to end sometime, and having a game plan will enable you to survive to work and play another day. Good luck!
