Some thoughts about the ideal time to marry
Marrying young is very much a matter of time and culture. In countries where marriages were arranged in the past (and still are in some), couples were often betrothed very young for the women (girls). Often such marriages occurred in the early teens.
At the beginning of the 20th century and earlier, marriages, while not necessarily arranged, were more about convenience and practicality than romance. Girls were often married off as young as 12 years old or whenever they passed puberty.
In the U.S. and most other modern nations, what is young and what is appropriate has changed considerably.
One of the things that has pushed marrying young to a later age is education. In the distant past in this country there was no education for young girls beyond grade school if even that. There was no reason for education for females. You learned to cook, sew, clean, and have children, lots of children.
But in modern America, most of our young females at least finish high school before marrying. This puts them at roughly age 18. Many will go on to college and not feel ready for marriage until they get their degree. This puts marriage at age 21 and beyond. An advanced degree, masters or doctorate, will add another two to four years.
Advanced education and careers for women has pushed marriage into later life, much later than in the past. This has also created a new phenomenon, women having children much later.
As a result of the education factor, we find that young marriages are more common among the less educated, which are mostly likely to also be less affluent. Ironically and sadly, these younger marriages with children often coming early, are saddled with early financial obligations, often more than they can easily handle.
The other issue of young marriages is the level of maturity of both individuals. Maturity was less important in cultures with arranged marriages. The role of the wife was strictly circumscribed. She knew what her role was and was trained to fulfill it. The man was often older, though not always. His role was also clearly defined.
In young marriages in our own history, maturity was also not expected of young wives. Again, their role was narrowly defined. I'm sure most young women matured very quickly under the responsibilities that came to them under these circumstances.
In our culture, many of our young marriages are the result of unplanned pregnancies. Such marriages are not built on a very firm foundation, regardless of age. Young people, male or female, under the age of 20, are still discovering who they are. In spite of feelings of "being in love," it is difficult to love another before you know who have discovered your own identity.
Marriages are not doomed just because the couple is young. Many young marriages go for the duration. Many couples find happiness with their first love, their childhood or high school sweetheart. But it is difficult for immature couples, at any age, to make a successful marriage.
There are many challenges for a young couple that may not be there for older couples aside from education or maturity. Related to education is the fact that many young couples come from lower income families. Not having an education and not having a lot of money or good job prospects can be the kiss of death for many young marriages.
Getting married before one or both partners have some kind of sound financial situation, a good job or at least good prospects, is very stressful. Money is one of the main reasons for divorce. If you begin marriage with financial problems or poor prospects, there will be great strain on the marriage.
Again, there are many exceptions to this. Some young couples, who face financial hardship as they begin their lives together, use this challenge to pull together. They can become closer to one another as they struggle to meet their financial and emotional needs. Being young and poor does not automatically doom a marriage. But it does present challenges that require strong character to get through.
There is nothing inherently "wrong" or "bad" about marrying young. Young marriages often face greater challenges-as outlined above-than those of more mature adults. But no one really knows in advance which marriages will thrive and which will wither. Whatever your age, marriage needs to be entered into with great care and with a strong commitment to one another.
Any relationship can be hard work, marriage especially, but the benefits can be incredible if a couple perseveres with dedication and commitment to creating something special together.
