Should you Date someone you Work with
The workplace is an environment that is distinctly separate from personal life. Most people maintain a professional image at work and act more like themselves at home. Dating someone at work blurs these lines and can cause problems on the job and in the relationship.
Most people do not act like themselves at work. People tend to give the best of themselves to their jobs, striving to be as productive, personable and professional as possible. Knowing someone at work is not the same as knowing him or her personally. Do you act the same at work as you do at home? You may think so, but if you take time to evaluate yourself honestly, you will find that you do act at least slightly differently in each setting. This is also true of the people you work with.
When you are attracted to someone at work, you are attracted to that person’s professional persona. If that person is also attracted to you, he or she is attracted to the person you are at work. No matter how long you’ve worked together, you don’t really know each other. At work, you can’t always tell if someone is a nature lover, a pet owner, a single parent or a heavy drinker. People tend to work hard to maintain a specific image on the job - one that will help them meet their career goals. This often means hiding their habits and interests. You may have nothing in common outside the job.
Dating may seem like the perfect solution: a chance to get to know each other. But this creates awkward situations at work. Are there company policies against dating? What about social expectations? Your decision to date may not bode well with office politics. You may decide to hide the fact that you are dating from your company and colleagues. Thus, you have to act one way towards each other at work, and another way when you are on a date. You have to trust each other to keep the secret, and the two of you are starting your relationship living a lie in public.
Hiding a dating relationship at work is usually ineffective. If you both work in close proximity to other co-workers or even supervisors, you may not be able to hide it. People tend to be more perceptive than most people realize. In fact, your co-workers will probably pick up on it surprisingly early on and long before they indicate that they know. They will, however, talk about it behind both of your backs. Of course, there’s also the possiblity the two of you could run into a co-worker on a date.
Your dating life will directly impact your work life. You might get into an argument on a date, then have to work together on the job. If you’re still angry or hurt, you will probably have to try to pretend nothing is wrong. You may feel awkward. You may have to stifle anger or tears. This could negatively impact the quality of your work, while fueling the fire of the gosippers.
Your work life can also directly impact your dating life. Something may happen at work that causes conflicts between the two of you. You might expect special treatment from each other. One of you might dislike a decision the other made at work. You might find yourselves reading more into things than is there. This can cause you to argue or resent each other and lead to poor decision-making on the job. Once your relationship becomes a factor in your decision-making process at work, you can no longer deny that your personal life has merged with you work life.
As the relationship progresses, one or both of you might feel the need to sneak around at work to capture quick romantic moments, which could interfere with your focus and productivity. Of course, you also run the risk of being caught red-handed by a supervisor or co-worker. Any of these factors could result in disciplinary action both of you or even termination of employment. At the very least, it would cause embarrassment.
If company policy allows dating, you may choose to date openly. This may be better than allowing people to speculate, but you will still face many of the same difficulties, especially during rocky times in the relationship. Co-workers will gossip about you, at least until the novelty wears off. You may start to feel like your personal life is on display, and the two of you may have different ideas about what information is okay to share.
Ending the relationship does not end the problems at work. The more serious the relationship gets, the more emotional the break-up would be. This can cause you to dread going to a job you used to like. Your co-workers might take sides, question you, become angry with you, or pressure you to get back together. You may also have greater difficulty working through the grief, because you still have to see each other every day, and possibly even interact.
Dating a co-worker can lead to many problems and challenges, from getting to know each other for real, to nosy co-workers, to possible job loss. Generally speaking, you are better off to keep your professional and personal lives separate. On the job, this will allow you to focus on your career without unnecessary complications. You will be able to keep your personal life private. Dating will also be a less complicated experience, which will allow you to focus on the relationship without the strain of your work life being in the middle of it.
