Self Relationship Means Befriending self
In corporate seminars and education classes over the years, I've asked thousands of people what is the most important relationships for them to develop. The answers vary. Professionally, the answer always focused on cultivating a connection with a manager, coworker or customer. No participant or student ever answered relationship to self. We communicate to ourselves through 60,000 thoughts every day. These thoughts serve as a prerequisite to our actions. If I am in a rut with myself, I am unable to meet others openly and kindly. A positive relationship to self is personal power.
Personal power is personal. The success I have with others is a reflection of what I see in the mirror. Several years ago a friend said, "I can't wait to get out of this environment". My response: It doesn't matter; you must still be with yourself. Because of our past friendship and the rapport we built over the years, I was able to share my concern.
The question here is to examine your source of suffering. Is the suffering due to lack of material success? Have you burned bridges in the past? How can you avoid past mistakes? Do you need the expertise of a professional counselor who can explore where you are getting stuck? Do you need a physical or mental outlet to ease stress?
Are you a control freak? Have you considered the wisdom of acceptance when you don't have control? When you do have control, do you take appropriate actions? When my internal house is in order, I am able to connect with others in a liberated way. A key component to strong relationships is humility. In our culture, humility is confused with humiliation. Robert Schuller said, "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is thinking more of others".
Another is the old fashioned trait of thoughtfulness. Are you too busy to be thoughtful? What message are you sending with this message? How can you be more thoughtful? Making good on your word is a starting point. Another suggestion is to get to know people well enough to recognize them. Send them a birthday or anniversary card, write them a letter, send them articles of interest etc.
Personal power is empowering to you and the people you impact. The actions provide an opportunity for motivation through ownership. Most importantly, this is a chance to build meaningful and rewarding relationships!
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