How to become a Comedian as a Profession
It's easy! Just follow these seven easy steps.
One: Be funny. Not just class clown funny, but co-workers snorting drinks out of their nostrils funny. If they spot, too, so much the better.
Two: Be original. I can kill doing old Bill Hick's* routines, but they aren't mine, so at best I am being a gifted impersonator, not a comic. You must find your own voice, and that may take some practice. Good comics always keep a notebook handy to write down ideas, to work them into their routines later. Your personal style will emerge as you work on your routines. Maybe you are a self-deprecating comic.
People love to laugh along with your pain. Louie Anderson is an example, using his fat to make others happy. You might be a topical comic, using current events as a base for your jokes. Jon Stewart is an obvious example here. It helps to have a writing team for this, as you basically need to write a new act every day to stay fresh. There are clowns, like Carrot Top who use props and goofy antics to get laughs. There are subject comics, like Jeff Foxworthy who has made a career out of being a redneck. There are screamers, like Sam Kineson, who scared people into laughing. There are insult comics, who get laughs out of being mean. You will find your own style emerging when you start to write.
Three: Write, write, write. Wait, I hear you saying. I want to break into comedy, not be a writer. Well, tough. Comedians are always writing. It is where the routine begins. You write it down, then you say it, and then you say it in front of people, and if they laugh, you keep it. That simple. But even the most hilarious routine will get stale after a while, hence, you keep writing. If you are really lucky, you might end up writing for an established comic or comedy show. If you are really, really, really lucky, some day you will be able to pay other people to write for you.
Four: Prepare to suffer. I'm serious here. It's a tough life to break into. You're going to spend lots of time sitting around, waiting for your few minutes at an open mike comedy night, listening to people who are so incredibly unfunny that you wonder what they could possibly be high on to make them think they can do comedy. And the audience might even laugh at some of these people, which can make you question your own sanity. Once your turn comes, you might utterly bomb, and feel suicidal.
Which brings me to five: Have a thick skin. You will have nights when no one laughs. People will heckle you. You can't take this personally, or you will not be able to go on. And the time will come when they will laugh. Not just your friends or family, but total strangers out there will be laughing and you will be why. When that happens, it's like heroin. You won't want to do anything else, ever. You'll still have to, probably for a long time, but you will be hooked.
Six: Persevere. you must go on. If this is your dream, you can't give up. I had a comedy partner once, when I was still doing stand up and this guy just wasn't that funny. He didn't believe it though, and went on to win contests and get a comedy writing gig on a tv show. So go figure. I was way funnier than he was, but couldn't cut the lifestyle. That's why he's doing what he's doing, and I'm writing about it here. Those who can't do - teach.
And finally, seven: Don't quit your day job right away. But eventually, if you do one through six and you really are funny, not just delusional, you will be able to ignore this step.
