How to Deal with a Controlling co Worker
Human beings are capable of good acts. They can display generosity, kindness, gentleness, and a positive attitude throughout their interactions. People can help each other in countless ways, and every headline-making tragedy comes with stories of courageous helpers who assisted victims in their moments of need.
But the potential for greatness is usually outweighed by the deep flaws inherent in human nature. Left to their own devices, people are greedy, selfish, and act with little regard for the consequences of their actions. Even in a professional environment, personality flaws both large and small will reveal themselves, sometimes much to the detriment of co-workers around. For many, figuring out how to deal with controlling people at work is a necessary step towards sanity and success.
How do you identify a controlling person in the workplace?
Before the issue can be tackled outright, it must be identified. In any human relationship, one party must be careful not to make assumptions. Some unwanted behavior might be a temporary nuisance, as perhaps the person in question is coping with a stressful event in their life. A pattern of behavior should never be assumed from a single instance, or even a few.
However, a truly controlling person can be a detriment to the workplace, negatively influencing productivity and teamwork all around. The key to identifying a controlling person is simply to notice someone who is always trying to alter their scenario to fit their own interests, rather than the organization's.
Perhaps this person has sought special accommodations for their workplace, despite not having any special needs for them. Maybe, in meetings, they constantly contribute ideas for change, yet intend to be the only one that would benefit from them. They can be engage in subtlety and psychological warfare, too; for example, using passive-aggressive discouragement, or even spreading lies and rumors, in order to position themselves higher on the company hierarchy.
One big clue is when a person insists that something be done a very certain way, despite the fact that this way is no better than the alternative. That person is purely wanting to be able to control the situation, and have it be “theirs,” even if that does not necessarily make it any better.
Obviously, many employees will try to get higher on the corporate ladder. The difference between the usual office politics and those of controlling persons is that they are just outright manipulative about it, actively trying to influence the levels of freedom those around them have. They are compelled to it, make a habit out of it, and form it into a lifestyle. They will try to wiggle and micro-manage their way into any situation, whether it is their business or not, for the only reason that they want to feel like they can control it. The control itself is what is being aimed for, what is craved.
It could be because they lack control at home but feel the need to have it somewhere, or maybe this person is just-plain mean. But the mark of a controller is the strange assumption they those around them will accept their tyranny, as they continue trying to garner satisfaction from having everyone around them do their bidding, exactly in the way they want.
How can you deal with a controlling person in the workplace?
Fortunately for those suffering the presence of would-be controllers in offices worldwide, there are a couple of effective ways to deal with controlling people in the workplace. They do take a measure of courage and self-confidence, though, in order to execute. This makes sense, as controlling people thrive on forcing weaker individuals to bend to their will.
First: Call them out on it. Seriously, just mention it. Whether in a carefully worded email or a bold statement out loud to their face, acknowledging tactics of control serves several beneficial purposes. It erodes their measures of control, since those measures have now been made aware of, and places the controller in less of a sense of power. Imagine how much less empowering a controlling person feels when someone just says to them, “It sounds like you are making that suggestion purely because you want more control, rather than worrying about what is best for the company and your co-workers. You should know that control tactics will not be taken seriously in this meeting.”
Second: Learn to say “no.” Whenever they try to enact a control measure, refuse to tolerate it. Be careful, though, as a flat denial should be left only to tactics that one can be utterly and completely confident are related to a control issue. After all, saying “no” in the wrong moments might even represent its own imbalanced sense of control scheming. It takes wisdom, but the key is that once the controlling entity has been identified, refusing to put up with their ways will work to gradually remove the seat of control they had been comfortably nestling into before.
Third: Form a long-term plan to change the behavior. This may not even be an appropriate place for you, personally, but it should be done for the heath of the controller, who has an issue that needs to be dealt with. As alluded to earlier, they may have some imbalance in their life that needs to be addressed, or even need to have someone refer them to a professional therapist.
Among all office personalities, the Controller is not the worst one, obviously. But a controlling habit can, nonetheless, be toxic enough in a work environment to make it worth dealing with head-on. Hopefully, you can figure out a resolution and approach a more freeing, encouraging workplace environment.
