Communicating Difficult Person Workplace Respect Teamwork Cooperation Patience Behavior
Communicating with a difficult person in the workplace can produce stress, complaints and disagreements that mar effective functioning as a team. Disagreements between people are an inherent and normal part of life because each person has differences in perceptions, lifestyles, values, facts, motivations or procedures. However, disagreements can also be threatening when they arouse deep feelings of anger, jealousy, fear, grief, guilt, frustration or disappointment. A “difficult person” can turn disagreements into conflict which easily becomes a snowball rolling downhill.
There are three ways to communicate with a difficult person in the workplace:
1. Do or say nothing and ignore the situation;
2. Refute, argue or preach;
3. Agree with the difficult person.
All three methods have pros and cons. When you elect to ignore the situation, there is no reconciliation and no opportunity for growth of rapport between the persons. The person who says or does nothing frequently internalizes unhealthy emotions that can produce stress and its detrimental effects on health.
However, this may be a valid approach when the other person is entrenched and has no desire to change or learn, or when you are vulnerable and your self esteem is already low. When the disagreement is trivial and more important issues need to be handled, ignoring the problem may be a valid approach and frequently time will cure a minor problem. Walking away from a situation may also be a valid final solution when other approaches have been tried and have failed.
The refute/argue/preach method may produce anger in the difficult person, damaging the relationship, rapport and jeopardizing chances for growth or change. But, this approach may be successful in a lecture situation, when you are not concerned about rapport or the relationship, or when the other person is disagreeing without having facts to support her position. It is essential that you have high selfesteem, are wellprepared and have correct facts to back up your position.
Agreeing with the other person may look like the best approach, however, it also has its drawbacks. There continues to be no opportunity for change or growth. You may internalize negative emotions which will cause you to question your beliefs and devalue your self-respect and self-esteem. This method may be beneficial when you are dealing with an explosive situation and need to disarm the other person or defuse the emotional content of the situation. When you perceive the disagreement is based on a misunderstanding or miscommunication and suspect that your position may be faulty, agreeing conveys your respect of the other person and allows time and distance to assist in reconciliation.
A better approach involves:
1. Taking time to think through how to deal with the difficult person. What needs, yours and his, are not being met? What situations are causing disagreements? Define what is negotiable and what is not. Moving slowly helps minimize those angry, gut reactions that tend to arise from a self-defensive posture.
2. Deciding if there is a problem, whose it is, and if you want to work toward a resolution. Keep in mind there are those situations where an effective solution involves walking away from the problem. With this choice, you may need to acknowledge that you cannot always make work flow at an even, pleasant rate, but you can learn to relax amid stress
3. Keeping in mind that people resist change. Change threatens the most basic of instincts, survival. You cannot change another, but you can build your own strength and professionalism, and defuse your own stress in difficult times.
4. Cooperation flows from respect. Poor working relationships exist when there is a lack of trust, support and respect. Even when you disagree, you can still make the effort to find something to respect about the other person. Look for something positive in that person and build on that. You may agree that you will never be close friends, and that is okay. Your goal is improved communications which will become the foundation of a better working relationship and environment. This is a much more realistic goal than expecting the other person to agree with you, adopt your viewpoint, or change her position, feelings and beliefs.
5. People always do what makes sense to them. It is not necessary to understand what motivates a person's actions. You can adopt an attitude of accepting the person, even though you may not agree with his behavior. An attitude of acceptance of the other person is more productive than assigning blame and finding fault. Try to find something positive you can acknowledge as the other's strength.
Communicating with a difficult person requires patience. People do grow and change, and relationships grow and change, but both take time and an atmosphere of respect and trust. Make sure your own expectations are realistic. You cannot change another's personality or behavior, but you can work on low self-esteem, your own and his. Be firm about your right to respect as a person, and be equally quick to give the other person respect.
