Best Questions to ask an Engaged Couple
Why is it that even when someone we care about is in a moment of happiness we have to find faults? Take two of my friends, let's call them Marie and John, they just got engaged which should be a wonderfully happy time in their lives and those who surround them. For them it is a wonderfully happy time, quite frankly there is nothing that in the first few months of an engagement can upset the newly committed couple. However, for the friends surrounding the couple the emotions attached can be anything but joyous.
For some it's another great someone else got engaged and here I am X years into a relationship with no sign or marriage in sight.' Or what about the best friend who never calls John to offer up congratulations because she doesn't approve of his choice? And what about the friend who goes out of her way to have a celebration get together only to hear from someone else that it's not the right thing to do and the couple might not like it. And how about all the talk that so many of us are guilty of: she'll be a bridezilla,' he spent every last dime on the ring' etc. How can they really be happy; she's bossy, he complains about her and it goes on.
What is it about our culture that condones this behavior? Why is it so much easier to be negative than genuinely positive? I believe there are two things at play. One, the American Dream has turned into a serious game of I'm better than you and because of that it has turned so many friends into rivals in what should be a time of celebration, support and joy. Secondly, our ego gets in the way of being that truly supportive friend. Our ego becomes our incessant need to remind ourselves that we are better than someone else. It is our defense mechanism that turns on and says no they can't be truly happy because if they were then why aren't I?
Sadly, the competitive behavior will only sour your soul and cause more anxiety than it's worth. True happiness comes from wanting the best for others, not harming any other living beings in thoughts, words or actions. Detach yourself from your own deficiencies, fears and aspirations and replace those negative thoughts with genuinely happy blessings for the newly engaged couple and you will radiate and shine on those around you. When speaking with the couple don't let your mind wander to the negative; focus your energy on their happiness. Engage them in conversation about the proposal, the wedding plans and let them share their happiness with you. Regardless of your opinion remember this is not about you, but being happy for those you love. The couple will feel your joy and support and there is nothing more powerful than knowing you are loved and supported by those closest to you.
