Arranged Marriages – Good
I strongly support and advocate arranged marriages and feel that most of the times they stand the test of time and endure most hurdles that marital relationships can come across.
I had a love marriage and so did my parents' I tell my British friends. I am mostly met by surprise from their part as most westerners tend to assume that all Asian people have arranged marriages, but when I go into the details of how me and my husband met and how we ended getting married, most of my western friends say this is an arranged marriage then!'
You see I met my husband when I was 19 yrs old and he was 22 , we were both at university and I was pretty nave, not having been on any serious dates before ( I wasn't allowed to date). So we became friends (at least from my part I didn't have any romantic feelings towards my then boyfriend') but it was a different story for my husband, he fell in love with me at first sight. We stayed friends for approximately one year and by then we had known each other a bit and I had started liking him so when he told me he would be sending his parents to my parents house to ask for my hand , I said ok.
I said yes, not only because of my personal feelings for him but also because by that time I had come to know more of his family , his background , his upbringing, his family's social standing and his aim in life, all things my parents would take into account when they would consider this proposal. So what you would term an arranged marriage because our parents had the final say over the matter ( it took my father two weeks to think about the matter and discuss it with various members of his family before giving an answer to my husband's father), we think is a love marriage as we had met and get to know each other before the relationship itself was made official.
You see, in my culture, marriage is not only between a man and a woman, it is the coming together of two families, when we have an extension added to the already extended family. When the proposal is deliberated upon the main focus of both parents are on their children, not only if the couple involved is compatible but if each one of us will be able to adapt to the new family and form such a strong bond with them that we will treat each other's parents as if our own parents and each other's brothers and sisters as our own brothers and sisters. These are the building blocks of our relationship, our family, our extended family and our community. We get married only once in a lifetime (for most of us) and every angle of the would-be relationship has to be deeply thought upon by the two families. Who can we better entrust this most important decision of our lives to, than our parents, the utmost well wishers of our well being. With their hindsight and experience of life they are our best guide.
Arranged marriages still occurs today in some way or form in modern societies among those whose culture believe in it, simply because the formula works. In a culture where marriage is more than just on a physical plan, this type of arrangement will prove the test of time and the marriages that result are longer lasting and more stable. The couples involved feel a greater responsibility, towards each other and towards everyone else involved, to make their marriage work. The marriage is not found on lust but on mutual understanding, respect and love that transcends the physical bounds. Marriage is now a platform for the couple to continue their journey on earth, towards self realisation, surrounded by limitless love and support from the extended family.
Marriage is sanctified by God and blessed by our elders.
How then can we fail here?
