ALT-9 Best Reasons to Marry
I just got engaged. In fact, I've only been engaged for about three weeks, but I have to tell you, I've been waiting a long time for this because frankly, I never thought that I wanted to be married. I was convinced that it was a social institution that people followed blindly because it was expected of them, and it didn't help that my parents divorced after twenty-five years of marriage, so I grew up thinking that I wanted to be the true definition of an independent woman. But somewhere in my early thirties, after had been through a few bad relationships, and a few great relationships, up to a certain point, but finally, I found the one relationship that seemed to make the commitment to marry worthwhile. And here's why I want to marry him:
1.) He is my equal in many ways. This doesn't mean that we are exactly alike by any stretch of the imagination, but it does mean that we both have strengths that the other admires, and it also means that we both acknowledge our weaknesses and sometimes defer to the other to complete a certain task. Because we admire traits in one another, and if because we both are confident enough in our strengths to concede our weaknesses, we achieve a kind of balance in the relationship that allows for independent happiness and co-dependent comfort.
2.) We talk well with one another. Our relationship actually began with long talks about difficult topics: religion, family, sex, sickness, abortion, raising children, education. When we've realized that we had different viewpoints on certain issues, we didn't stop talking. That's important. In dysfunctional relationships, one might not feel at liberty to voice his/her opinion on a topic, or he/she may feel silenced by the other's conviction. It's easy to remain silent, but inevitably, the issue will present itself again, at a later date, and it may show itself as displaced resentment or anger. Even though we've had times where our conversations have been uncomfortable, we haven't stopped talking, and we've encouraged one another to talk through the hardship. That's important to me, and I think it will be an important quality in our married life when we are certain to encounter more difficult conversations.
3.) We both have lives independent of one another. I think this goes with meeting one another later in life, and I think it's one reason why many people divorce early in their marriages. One of my friends married early, and her life quickly became consumed with her (now ex) husband's life. As a result, she lost any sense of her own self, and in the last years of their marriage, she fought so desperately to get back to her own sense of independence. In my present relationship, I have my own job, my own income, my own retirement portfolio, and my own sense of professional fulfillment, as does my partner. With both of these lives outside of our relationship, I think it helps to make the time that we spend with one another special. We both put equal energies into our work, but as a result, we are able to put equal energy into our relationship.
4.) We both respect and support one another. Sometimes relationships suffer from one person giving too much and the other taking too much. It's important to maintain balance.
5.) We love one another. Too often, I think people throw around the word "love" without thinking about what it really means. There is a difference between love, the noun, and love, the verb. Having love for someone (the noun) doesn't require any action. I can have love for my family, my friends, and my lover in my mind, in my heart, and all is well and good. But none of my loved ones KNOW that I love them unless I show it-frequently and fervently. Showing love in a relationship needs to happen in the smallest of ways, as well as the largest of ways. Love can be shown in daily phone calls, quick messages on the telephone or through e-mail, or in simply taking time to listen to your lover's day or to pour the other's wine, as much as it can be shown through a bouquet of a dozen roses. Knowing that the person I'm going to spend the rest of my life with loves me, and shows me that love often, is perhaps the most important reason that I want to marry. What can be better than knowing and feeling that you are loved well for the rest of your life?
