ALT-8 Views on Marrying Young
My husband was twenty and I was twenty-one when we married. He was the only boyfriend I ever had. We dated three months before he proposed and I happily accepted. We were married a year to the day of our first date. Many people urged us to take our time. We were impatient and very stubborn. We knew we wanted to be together. We will celebrate our sixth wedding anniversary and seven years together in November. I do think because we married young and quickly, we have struggled through more than some couples.
First of all, my husband and I are as different as night and day! What he likes, I cannot stand and vice versa. Many people comment on this fact. I have heard more times than I can count how many people would not guess we are a couple if they met us separately. Because of our differences, we argue and bicker A LOT. We do not agree on much, and it has been hard to learn to compromise. Often, we just stop talking and do not face the issue at hand. This is a mistake we are trying to remedy.
Second of all, I am a year older than my husband. This can create issues, as well. It is a proven fact, women mature faster than men. We all know this, we all accept this. Sometimes, I forget this. I often get frustrated in behavior I see as immature in my husband. This also leads to arguements and disagreements.
Third of all, our upbringings were incredibly different. I was raised in a non-smoking, non-drinking, conservative Christian household. I was in church two to three times a week. My parents took us on every trip they could afford! I have been to many states and places. Sometimes, I cannot remember them all. Because of this, I love staying at home on occasion. My family moved around a lot because of my father's job, so I had to learn to make friends. Eventually, I stopped making friends. I could say I am a closet social butterfly but portray anti-social behaviors. My husband was raised in a divorced home, but in the same town his whole life. His mother and stepfather drink and smoke. They would often sequester him away in his room with video games. He was never allowed to go out-of-state on trips with his father. Because of this, he hates being at home. His father had a drug habit and a slight drinking problem. His stepmother was a strong disciplinarian. He often resented going from a lax home to a strict home. It was confusing and he has great animosity towards authority and rules. I do not because my parents were always consistent with discipline.
We have differences in personality, age, maturity, and upbringing. We started on the losing end of a very long, hard battle. Then, take all of these, and combine them with all of our belongings in a small bedroom at my parents' home for eight, very long months. We could not afford our own place. So, we had to learn to live together in very tight quarters. Because of being forced to do so, we rarely fought when living with my parents. We knew we could not remedy the situation, and we must learn to live with it. I think our marriage was made strong because of this.
My aunt and uncle paid the down payment on a house for us. We moved in, and we had to learn to live together in a different way. We had to learn to agree on decor, furniture, food, household chores, and more. We found all of this trivial and made easy compromises. We also had to learn it was okay to not be in the same room together all of the time. I tell people we had to learn to live together before we could actually live together. Because of being forced into a tiny room together for eight months with all of our belongings, and all of our personality differences, moving into a three bedroom, two bathroom home was fairly easy in comparison.
Then, we had children. We have two little girls. One is three, the other is one. Parenting has been our biggest battle as of yet. Because of our different upbringings and our different personalities, we have very different parenting styles. He is a strict disciplinarian, whereas I am much more lax. Both are complete opposites to how we were raised. We often argue and disagree about how one is handling a situation. But, we are also learning to compromise. I do not undermine him now, I support him, and vice versa. EVEN IF we disagree with the other.
All of our personality and upbringing differences are not very different from any other couple. So, these struggles are not anything another couple would go through. However, the following might be different for a couple marrying later.
Between the two of us, we work four jobs to make ends meet. We got into trouble with credit card debt, and then having a second child sent us over the edge financially. We make ends meet but we never see each other. We are both always tired and our kids battle with separation anxiety. We cannot afford medical insurance for ourselves and we can barely afford it for our children. Everything is falling apart in our home. We need to make pricey repairs and we cannot. Our budget is so tight, we often feel suffocated by it. All of our jobs are on a dead-end path, so I am going back to college to get my degree. Life isn't easy right now. The stress level in our home is very high.
I often resent the couples I see marrying late in their twenties and into their thirties. They have established careers, nice homes, beautiful cars, and can take luxurious vacations. If, and when, they have children, they can afford for the wife to stay at home to tend to the children.
I know some of our circumstances exist because we married young. It is very much a daily struggle to get through. I know, too, this will not last. The struggles will become where are we going on vacation: Disney World or the Caribbean? What car will we have: the Suburban or the Expedition? We will find new things to fight about because we will see each other so much! This is something I look forward to!
The major difference between marrying young and marrying later is the younger couple must go through more, such as career development and growing in financial maturity. This makes or breaks them. The ones that make it will forever be together. The ones that do not make it were not very committed to begin with or the differences and the struggles were more than their marriage could bear.
We may have married young, with major personality differences, and many struggles to face, but the key is we are committed to making it work. This is the most important aspect of any marriage: COMMITMENT. It really doesn't matter your age, in my opinion. What matters is how much do you want to make it work? How much do you love the person you are with? Are you willing to suffer through the worse for this person? It is all about the people who are marrying, not the age they are marrying at.
