ALT-3 Bad Fathers Day Gift Ideas
As a father of four children, there is no such thing as a bad Father's Day present. Every gift or trinket is wonderful and a true delight to have and behold.
Well, that's what my children would believe from the rapt expression on my face as I unwrap their little treasure. I have endured my fair share of what most people would probably call 'crap' presents, but I do value even these items. The simple fact that my child has thought highly enough of me to want to buy me a present, or make one, is reward enough.
Children have little idea of grandiose concepts such as usefulness or suitability. Funnily enough, it is the more obscure gifts that I tend to remember. For instance, a couple of years ago my 8 year old son bought me a hand painted ceramic toadstool with a frog on it. It is a very cheaply made thing and I imagine that it was intended as either a garden or terrarium ornament. In a nutshell, it is as ugly as sin and the sort of thing you could easily hide away in some obscure corner of the garage or discard completely.
Not me. It was on a shelf beside my workstation and every second visitor to my desk would ask about it. Every time I looked at it, it reminded me of my son. His logic behind the present was a simple melding of a couple of our favorite things. At the time, he was into frogs and I've always liked to eat mushrooms (well, toadstools and mushrooms are both fungi) so there was considerable thought put into his purchase. That was enough to make me smile and it makes me feel loved to just look at his gift. That's not the kind of warm fuzzy feeling that you would get from something like a box of chocolates.
So, a bad present need not necessarily be so, it is really a matter of perspective. There is also another angle to view a bad present, and that is in terms of suitability. A bad present doesn't have to be awful to fall within the gamut of 'bad', it could also be unsuitable, perhaps even embarrassing. Children tend to have minds like sponges and will remember even the most obscure detail, so it pays to be prudent and careful when it comes to making comments about things. And this goes for your other half too. Seemingly innocent remarks can come back to haunt you, as these 'bad' Father's Day gifts prove (and yes, these are actual Father's Day gifts):
1. Soap and/or deodorant - there used to be a soap ad here in Australia with the by-line, "Don't wait to be told...You need Palmolive Gold". And yes, it means that you stink. Your little one has picked up on your loved one's comments about your personal hygiene problem. It may have been just the once when you've come in from a hard day out in the yard one summer, but that chance remark has been taken on board;
2. Hair color or, worse still, a joke wig - all those comments about going gray or bald coming back to roost. Don't blame the kids though, they see your compliments as complaining and they are genuinely trying to help. If they do go the wig route, buy yourself a red nose from a novelty shop and clown around at your child's next party;
3. A girlie magazine or magazine subscription - be discreet with your ogling and do not ever pick up one of these magazines if you are out with your child (even if they are old enough to understand what they are). Our loved ones do tend to take exception to this kind of material being in the house. And no, they are not going to buy the throw-away about only looking at 'the articles' no matter how well written they are;
4. Any adult product - I won't spell this one out. I remember a call on talk-back radio about a father once receiving a voucher for an escort service. The child had taken on board the continual complaints about not getting enough. Instant divorce material that one; and
5. A compost bin - A handy device to put away in your garden, but the child may not have bought it because of your desire to waste not, want not. It could well be that they've overheard your loved one saying that you full of sh*t and they are just providing you with somewhere to make use of it.
