ALT-2 Workplace Conflict how to Deal with Inappropriate Advances from a Boss
There is no easy answer to handling unwanted advances from your boss, and there is no more painful situation to be in when you see unemployment on one side, and humiliation on the other. So, we have to catergorize the inappropriateness. When the question really is one of being out of work or fresh out of self-esteem, then you are pressed into a corner. You can be desperate, or you can be ultimately professional. Desperation, like despair, is the greatest sin in this situation. . .don't make the mistake of thinking that you will lose a well-fought battle. The sexual harrassment laws are clear and precise. . .as long as you don't take the law into your own hands. The first step is to make clear that you don't appreciate unprofessional behavior, and it's a very good idea to state this publicly. . .in other words, in front of witnesses.
The decision to keep it public is a crucial point. If the situation is happening in a public forum, then it should be handled in a public forum, not with the intention of solving it through confrontation, but in stating, in a calm and respectful fashion, that the behavior is not comfortable for you, and going on the record that you haven't sanctioned the behavior. If handled calmly, there is no loss of face, and no need for retaliation because of bruised ego, it was just a misunderstanding of shared values. If the problem is one of direct physical advances when no one else is around, then this goes beyond the pale of "workplace behavior." This is truly physical harrassment, and should be treated as such.
Remember the point of your efforts is to calm the situation down, not escalate it. This is not the time to make any points or win any debates with the person in question. Let's take a moment to note some of the myths about sexual harrassment. . .it is not always men picking on women, it is often the other way around. It is not always blatantly sexual in nature, it can be subtle, designed to be manipulative for private pleasure. It is not always done with the purpose of seduction, but can be a form of emotional rape, whereby the person with power can gain pleasure from simply humiliating a weaker human being. It is not always directed at a single person, but can be done to establish guidelines of social behavior, such as the freedom to be profane or obscene in a gender-specific environment. And, sadly, it is not always intentional. A person may be responding to your personality because they honestly want to be closer to you than you wish to allow, and because they have superior rank on the job, they have assumed that your acceptance of their quirks is because you like them, not because you respect their position.
So how do you reverse the situation, and point it in the direction of good workplace rapport, away from anxiety over looking for another job? You can calmly state (it helps to practice this at home,) "I am not comfortable with this behavior," and leave it at that for a day or two. If you have said this publicly, then it is possible that you are in for some ridicule, and some snide comments, and some territorial restlessness. You have done your part.
Reaction from others is good, because that means that everybody heard you. And if you make the statement as neutral as possible, and refuse to comment on it in private with others, other than to re-state, "I am not comfortable with that behaviour," then everybody knows how you feel, and if their intentions are good, then everybody, including your boss, will respect your feelings. The important part in this case is not to react to the defensiveness of those who have an emotional investment in the bad behavior. Just let it settle for a day or two. Privately resort to intense prayer, or exercise, or vent outside of work to a sympathetic ear. But do not react to the negative responses within the work environment. Concentrate on your job. Change the subject. Be friendly, but not too friendly, and leave the workplace on time, don't hang around to discuss it.
And that is all you can do. If that doesn't start to turn the situation around, then take the next step. Either look for another job, or file a formal complaint, either with the human resources department at your workplace, or with an attorney. Your prospects of winning at this point are in direct porportion to your good faith, and your own professionalism. Remember that you should always be willing to forgive and get on the right track. . .your goal has to be reinforcing a professional workplace, not getting rich from a lawsuit.
