ALT-2 Bad Fathers Day Gift Ideas
This has to go quick with Father's Day lurking right around the corner.
The "Bad Father's Day" gift list is pretty simple, but just in case, pay close attention. The list is comprised of bad gifts to give your father. There is no judgment of your father implied, add your own judgment where necessary. The ranking is purely coincidental. Your number one may be someone else's number ten.
So, here goes.
1. "Daddy? I'm pregnant." This is 100% a bad gift idea for anyone under 18. Sorry, it just is. If you're underage or still living at home, nix Father's Day as the wondrous occasion to break the "good" news to the family.
2. "Daddy? I wrecked the car/burnt down the house/dropped out of college/am moving back in." While we're on the topic of declarations let's just agree that Father's Day is not the day to drop any bombs. Wait until Monday. Seriously. Let the old man have just one day to relax.
3. Photoshopped pictures of what good old Dad would look like with just a bit of cosmetic surgery. Tasteless. Arguably, that IS a great rack. But still.
4. A "Trick My Ride" makeover. Maybe Dad likes things the way they are. Maybe Dad would be thoroughly confused with a 15inch flat screen monitor hanging in front of the steering wheel of his Buick Century. Maybe. Consider a car wash and detailing instead.
5. A lifetime subscription to ANY gossip rag. Even Dad doesn't need this much useless distraction in his life.
6. An adopted child. Face it. Your Dad is done. And he's REALLY happy with the fact that he is. As much as he cares about the well-being of the children of the world, Daddy truly doesn't want or need the added responsibility of a 3 foot stranger in his life. Forever. And don't try to pass off the responsibility of Father's Day to another clueless being. Shame on you.
7. Any adopted living thing. Let Dad decide what sort of company he keeps for the next decade or so. No cute puppies, definitely no rodents, and please, no scaly new best friends.
7. Your old IPod. Dad maybe curious about the new music-playing gadgets, but he in his learning, he doesn't need to be confronted with your music library. Wolf Parade? The Yeah Yeah Yeah's? Perhaps this isn't the best day to re-configure Dad's musical repertoire.
8. The "opportunity" to help you build things/redesign your home or apartment. As much as Dad takes pride in his ability to provide. Hire someone who gets a paycheck performing these tasks.
10. A manicure/facial/body waxing. Let Dad book these on his own. In private.
That's the quick of it. If you paid attention to this list, and you DON'T give your Father any of these things, you may ensure a truly happy Father's Day. Or at the very least, a non-traumatizing Father's Day.
Good Luck.
