ALT-25 Best Reasons to Marry
As a young twenty-something, many of my friends are getting engaged or married and I find myself constantly playing devil's advocate for them. While most little girls dream of their wedding day, I've spent years developing more realistic, and at times, cynical views on issues such as love and marriage. Perhaps it was the sobering realities of adulthood I experienced at a young age when my parents got sick. Or, perhaps it was an overdose of chic flicks and romance novels in my pre-teen years. Most likely, it was viewing the movie "The Story of Us" with Bruce Willis and Michelle Pfeiffer at the age of thirteen that made me wonder why everyone was so anxious to get married in the first place.
Many people believe being in love and loving someone is the best reason to get married. I beg to differ. Love is of course, a largely important part, but I've set my own pretty strict criteria to make sure I don't settle for Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right Now.
1. Love yourself. Before any of us can truly love another person, we really need to make sure we love ourselves. If you can't connect with yourself at the deepest level, the idea of connecting with someone else at the deepest level seems like a bit (huge, even) of a stretch.
2. How does your significant other feel about Fido or Fluffy? Dog and cat people are two remarkably different people. While many people love animals in general, there are people who cannot stand cats or dogs. I've yet to see a couple stay together when they don't share this common trait. An extreme dog lover doesn't want someone who can just tolerate Fido; they want someone who can look deep into Fido's big brown eyes and see what they see every day.
3. Money matters. As an avid shopper, I cannot imagine spending the rest of my life with someone whose only joy in life is checking the state of his stocks and 401k plan. While its important to be responsible with money, there needs to be a (somewhat) happy medium. I've dated guys who were extremely into saving and didn't want to spend money on anything. The sham, guilt, and embarrassment I felt from buying a new pair of shoes caused me to end it pretty early on. Bottom line: If you think there is any chance you'll need to hide those new Jimmy Choos in the linen closet or stash away your new Louis Vuitton bag in the trunk of your car so he doesn't find it, you probably aren't with the right person.
4. Does anyone actually pay attention to the vow "through sickness and in health"? When any of my friends first gets engaged, my first question is "would you stay with your partner if he/she became paralyzed early into your marriage and you had to spend the rest of your life taking care of them?" Quite often the answer is no. You would think that would create a moment for one to pause and reconsider what they are about to do. Instead, my amount of unhappily wed friends continues to increase.
5. Is this your favorite person in the whole world? Life can deal some really bad cards sometimes and things aren't always going to be sunshine and butterflies. Anything can happen and everything can change so quickly, but I honestly believe if you're with the right person that the bad times aren't as bad. You might be miserable and unhappy and you may dislike the person you're with at times. But if you're with someone who can really make you laugh, you just might come out of the really bad times a little better then when you went in.
I'm not an expert on love by far. I'm still waiting to meet that special someone who I will love just as much as I love my beagles. Until then, I will remain a hopeful, if not hopeless, romantic.
