ALT-1 Why Valentines Day is Bittersweet
Valentine's Day evokes dramatic emotions in many people. We have a love-hate relationship with this holiday. Why is this so? Are we on the wrong track? Traditionally, folks handcrafted sentimental greetings for their loved ones for Valentine's Day. Lacy doilies adorned red construction paper. Home-baked cookies and hand-dipped chocolates spread thoughts of love to family members, neighbors and friends. Children made simple breakfasts to serve their parents in bed.
Today, Valentine's Day is all about romance. Scantily clad store window mannequins lure shoppers to purchase lingerie and suggestive gifts for their spouses, romantic partners or intended ones. Even family-oriented department stores place scarlet silk teddies and heart-imprinted satin boxers in their center aisles.
How have we turned this sweet occasion into a dating dilemma?
Overlooking the origins
Valentine's Daytraditions actually are rooted in faith, love and sacrifice. In 270 AD, Roman Emperor Claudius II banned marriage, hoping to ensure his military men would focus more wholly on their duties.
A Christian bishop, Valentine, began secretly marrying young couples. Known as the "Friend of Lovers," Valentine was arrested and executed. However, in prison, he wrote a loving letter to the blind daughter of his jailer, Asterius, to encourage her. He signed the letter, "From your Valentine."
Valentine was beatified as a patron saint, celebrated on February 14th. The custom of sending greeting cards on Valentine's Day came much later. In 1415, while Charles, Duke of Orleans, was imprisoned in the Tower of London, he sent a card to his wife. This missive, now held in the British Museum, has long been considered the first Valentine card.
Extreme expectations
Somehow, our society has redefined Valentine's Day. We have made this date a required pinnacle of the dating world. We have created a long list of Valentine's expectations, which have reached mythical proportions.
If you are married, or if you have a girlfriend or boyfriend, you are generally expected to plan the all-out, end-all perfect outing on Valentine's Day. Reserving the primo table in the finest restaurant in town, showing up with long-stemmed red roses and sipping fancy champagne are pretty much expected, even if Valentine's Day happens to hit on a Monday or Tuesday night.
Those in romantic relationships have come to count on Valentine's Day as the acme of affection, when first-time events are nearly a given. The first kiss, a little more or even a proposal of marriage may be anticipated on this red-letter date.
What if all this does not happen? What if the flowers, jewelry, or engagement ring wasn't in the heart-shaped box, as we expected? How many let-downs occur at midnight, as February 15th dawns?
Tims for tensions!
Why do we place such high expectations on Valentine's Day? Don't we simply set ourselves up for disappointment?
Many couples find themselves fighting on Valentine's Day, the occasion designed for affection and love. For some, it may be difficult to muster up sentimentalism, if the relationship is on shaky ground. In other cases, folks may be hurt by a loved one's insensitivity or mere forgetfulness.
Even children are not immune from the letdowns. Remember Charlie Brown? There's a Charlie Brown in every classroom. What if you get more Valentines than I do? Are you more lovable, if your sticker-embossed cereal box contains more cartoon cards than mine?
Why must we tell everyone we love them on Valentine's Day, when we might not mention this again for 364 days? And isn't it dishonest to tell everyone we love them on Valentine's Day, even if we don't? Oh, and where can one find Valentine's Day cards for people with whom we are angry or disappointed? Has tradition led to contradiction?
Of course, those who find themselves alone on Valentine's Day may feel the most stress of all. Whether by choice or by circumstances, many are either apart from the ones they love, or hoping to find someone to love. In either case, Valentine's Day can be acutely painful for them!
Why do we position people (including ourselves) for loneliness on a holiday that was intended to be all about love?
What have we done?
