ALT-1 What Mothers Day Means for a new Mom
For many years, my husband and I tried to have a baby. As the years went on, and it was not happening, I began to come to the realization that it was not ever going to happen. Mother's day would be the worst day of the year for me. I would constantly be reminded when I looked around that I was not a mother and probably never would be. I would become depressed and usually slip into my own little world on Mother's day.
After eight years, my husband and I finally gave up, not just on having a baby but on each other. We divorced. I needed a new start so I took a new job 2 hours away from where I had grown up and spent all my life; my family too. For the first time, I was living completely on my own.
I met a man that was divorced with three children. We started dating and our relationship blossomed. I loved his kids so much. We moved in together (since we were both divorced, we were leery about marriage again). I figured since I couldn't have my own kids, I would just enjoy being the step mother to these three.
After living together for almost three years; I found out I was pregnant. It was a total shock to me. I was so excited and happy. This was the moment I had been waiting for, for so many years.
I went through the pregnancy without any problems. It was a wonderful time. I enjoyed being pregnant. I absolutely loved feeling my child growing and moving inside of me. It was amazing to go to the doctor and see the sonogram of this small child growing inside of ME.
As time for the delivery started getting closer. I began to get scared. I wondered if I was ready to be a mother. I wondered if I was going to be a good mother. It was a realization that this helpless child was going to be completely dependant on me.
On September 25, 2007, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl. She was perfect and still is. The Lord blessed me with this small baby girl after so many years of infertility. She is defiantly my little angel. Never in my wildest imagination could I have ever known how deep this feeling was going to be.
So many times, I find myself just looking at her and smiling, thanking God for my precious little blessing; this precious baby that was so long awaited and believed to never be. The man I am married too now has told me many times about how if it is meant to be then God will allow it to be. He is a walking miracle himself. His mother had her tubes tied several years before she got pregnant with him.
This mother's day, I can look at my daughter and know what it feels like to be a mother after so many years of feeling that it was never going to happen for me. This time, I can be proud and happy to have this beautiful angel in my arms.
