ALT-1 Valentines Day Communicate your Love the right way
All people are different and each person will have their own way of expressing how they feel about their loved ones. But do they really get a clear message across? And does your loved one have a perfect understanding of how you feel about each other?
If you have been together for a while you may have developed busy lives. Children and work commitments can eat into the time that you can spend together on a personal basis and therefore you may have gotten out of the habit of expressing the love that you both have for each other.
I am talking about good old fashioned love. Not the kind that you can rustle up on Valentine's Day... let's face it, to be bullied into saying "I love you" by a bunch of money grabbing organizations jumping on the "love train" can only mean one thing. If you do not sustain this declaration and extend it to the other 364 days of the year, you are going to come over as somewhat shallow...
Learning to effectively communicate your feelings to your partner actually comes from the ability to love them deeply already and if your feelings run true, you will find that understanding, patience and a sense of humor play a huge part in conveying your deepest emotions.
When you look at it logically, it doesn't really matter how deep and true you love runs for someone, if they can't understand how you give that love and are blind to its thread of development, then how are they ever going to react back to you in a satisfactory way?The answer is effective communication.
The first thing that you have to remember is that there are two of you in the relationship. This means that you cannot be selfish. You are a couple, and what matters to your partner, should matter to you. To start the process of good communication it is important that you listen to what each other have to say.
Give and take in a partnership will come if you learn to accept the different ways that your partner will use to communicate their fears, frustrations, joys and happiness. Their needs will be different to yours so it is important to learn the art of compromise.
Understanding is so important. If your partner is listening, yet doesn't really understand what you are saying then he will not build empathic contact. And the same for the other.Some couples can actually talk to each other and then completely forget what the other has said five minutes later. If it appears that he hasn't understood or he is distracted, be patient. Explain yourself in a different way. Or get into the habit of reminding him about what you have just said... you could say something like:"Can you remember what I told you? Did I remember to tell you about the so and so?" This way, you are being non confrontational, and in no danger of being accused of being a nag or a bully.
You both deserve attention from each other. To be able talk to each other about the experiences of the day is a very sharing experience. By listening to what your partner has to say you are reaffirming your interest in them. Be interested in what their day has brought. Be supportive. Understand if they have problems and try to understand how it may affect their mood or demeanor.
Encouragement is a really positive thing. Be supportive of each other. Praise any accomplishments and be truly proud of the other. Don't view your individual achievements in a competitive way or feel threatened by the other's success.
Sharing your feelings with each other is one of the most effective ways of communication. If you can listen to each other and become emotionally close, not just hear what the other person is saying but also to a certain extent "feel" their emotion. You will soon build an empathic awareness that will promote a more loving and spiritually close relationship.
Sometimes if you have been together for quite a while, you get used to the habits and how each other do certain things in life. Don't make the mistake of thinking that this means that you know what they are thinking. Never take it for granted. If your partner has upset you for any reason then tell him. He is not a mind reader and will not automatically realize that he has been hurtful.
Never bottle up strong emotions. If you have issues within a relationship then let the other person know what they are. Keeping deep feelings hidden will have the effect of causing resentment. If left unattended, resentment can turn to unhappiness and then anger and then bitterness.
Take care with what you say or do. My own grandmother used to tell me, "act in haste, and repent at leisure". Sometimes we may be rather rash in what we say and do and can inadvertently cause pain for the other. Ask yourself why would you want to do that? Tell yourself there is no point in trying to play one emotion off against the other because it never leads to anything. BY hurting him you are hurting yourself.
Honesty is the best policy. If there are certain things about your partner or your life that you are not happy about, then share your concerns with your partner. If he needs you to be blunt with him, then be as honest as you can. Be mindful that he may be upset about what you may tell him, so try to understand how he may be feeling and try to minimize negative effects by being understanding and willing to come to a compromise.
It takes a certain amount of dedication and hard work to build good communication in a relationship, but once you have found that special connection, you will find that the love you have for each other will become deeper and will grow stronger day by day.
So that when Valentine's Day rolls round for another year how much better it would be if you were able to not just declare your love for each other, but CELEBRATE it for the wonderful and fulfilling gift that it truly is.
