ALT-1 Parenting the Greatest Gift you can Give your Child is yourself
It has been said that the greatest gift you can give to your child is yourself. People, however, have different ways of expressing the gift of oneself. Most take this to mean putting their time and energies in working to provide for their material needs and strive to come home with the latest most unique item others will envy or the child craves for.
There are on top of the above equally, nay, more important ways of giving the gift of yourself to your child. And I share with you some effective ways you can express your gift of yourself to your child.
The gift of loveLove is the most elusive concept in our multi-meaning world. The personified description of love by St. Paul cuts through the straw and makes crystal clear what its essential and practical meaning is. "Love is patient, love is kind; love is not envious, or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does no rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. (NRS) There is no limit to love's forbearance, to its trust, its hope, its power to endure (NAB)" (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). Exchanging your name for the word love in above passage and relating to your child as described in the same passage is a sure and effective way of giving the gift of yourself to your child, especially when this will become the habit of your life. Love as described above is expressed unconditionally, no ifs no buts.
The gift of identityWhen my eldest son was still five years old God taught me how to affirm my son. We were together attending Holy Mass one early morning and in the Gospel was read God the Father saying to the Lord Jesus, "You are my Son the beloved; with you I am well pleased" (Luke 3:22, NRS). As my son and I were walking home, I was inspired to hold his tender shoulders and, as he stopped to look up my face, I told him, "You are my beloved son, I am well pleased with you. I am proud of you. I am happy you are my son". And I saw the brightest smile ever radiated from his face and sparkled from his eyes. This affirmation as son or daughter, as the case may be, is the child's foundation for a solid sense of personal identity for life. From then on till now that he is married this gift of affirmation is a constant gift I pour upon him that opened him to the affirmations of life and shielded him from the contrary.
The gift of presenceIn a fast-paced world where constant change and ever growing demands take toll in the time of parents with their child, the gift of presence has been the constant deprivation of a child and the most longed-for. Yet it is not the quantity of time that is necessary. Rather it is the quality and regularity of one's presence that fills the hungry heart of a child. It is necessary and possible to give quality time. Time with your child must be included in one's time schedule as an A priority, much like setting A priority in one's business schedule or professional activity, and it is a schedule that is blocked for your child. What lends it quality is the focused attention you give to your child in the space of time you are with him. No other agenda should lurk in your mind floating like a mist between you and your child. You are there for him or her alone. Even for an older child it is important that he or she is the center. Being present with your child is a whole art itself that takes time to learn but like all other habits is made perfect with practice.
The gift of forgivenessWe live in an imperfect still evolving world, a world that is "groaning in labor pains" (Romans 8:22,NRS). Your child is touched by this groaning world with its groaning people. Whether you believe it or not evil/sin is a reality of life and your child is no less immune to it. Even in the young with angelic face sin is like a Trojan horse that your child is unknowingly infected with. And you know it takes only certain condition for the soldiers within to come out and wreck havoc. Hence, giving your child the gift of forgiveness is the foundation both of compassion and sense of righteousness that will go a long way towards helping your child navigate a sin-permeated world. Learning to forgive your child even before forgiveness is asked is divine and will incarnate the loving forgiveness of God the Father and constantly free your child from the crippling power of guilt as he/she grows up. Forgiveness clears up the otherwise unknown specter that can distance you from your child and create secret agony within his/her heart.
Surely you could add more. But the above are among the essentials and from the foregoing can be gleaned the whole idea. What is most precious in you, what is most alive in you, the best and most noble in you is the greatest gift you can give to your child - the gift of yourself.
