ALT-1 Getting through Valentines Day after a Recent Breakup
That time of year is upon us again. Tis the season for hearts and chocolates, sappy cards and crowded restaurants. Friends and co-workers are either chatting giddily about their romantic plans or grumbling because they can't find the perfect gift for their partner.
If you've recently been through a breakup, particularly if you were part of a long-term couple or in a romantic relationship you didn't want to end, this can be one of the toughest times of year. The holiday season is over, and life is back to business as usual. Outside it is cold and dreary, and darkness falls early. Spring might be just around the corner, but right now that just isn't close enough. All around you, people are gearing up for the day of celebrating their sweethearts, and you're still adapting to not having one.
Don't crawl under the covers and hide. With a little effort and few forced smiles, you can get through the bleak, smoochy season and maybe even enjoy a bit of it. A few survival tips:
1. Remember that it is just another daySure, there's Valentine's Day hype everywhere, and we all buy into it even if we make fun of ourselves for doing so. But the reality is that February 14 is just another day on the calendar, one we designated as a day to honor romance. My co-workers and I often joke that something isn't a "real holiday" unless we get the day off work, and no corporation I know of closes on V-day unless it happens to fall on a weekend.
2. Don't wallowYou might want to spend the day in bed with your remote, a case of junk food, a pile of sappy movies and several boxes of Kleenex. A good cry can be therapeutic, but wallowing in your misery isn't.
Instead of sighing over a lost love or bemoaning the fact that romance isn't in your life right now, consider forcing yourself to get out there and enjoy the other aspects of your life. Flash a flirty smile at a total stranger in the coffee shop. Go buy that thing you've been wanting but haven't gotten around to getting. Take on that task you've been avoiding at work and gloat over the fact that it is no longer on your "to do" list at the end of the day.
3. Indulge in sillinessInstead of curling up alone with a pile of tear-jerkers, grab a friend and a stack of the dumbest comedies you can find. Or since you won't be waiting forever to be seated in a restaurant, aching in your high heels or choking in your tie, celebrate by pulling together a pack of friends, family and neighbors for an evening of wearing sweats or pajamas, eating messy finger foods and playing silly board games.
3. There are many kinds of love, so show yoursSo you no longer have a boyfriend or girlfriend, partner, husband or wife. Of course that's cause for grief. But try not to grieve it any more or less because of the date on the calendar.
V-day is about celebrating love, and of course we tend to focus it on romance. But there are many kinds and variations of love in our lives. Instead of focusing on what you've lost, think seriously about what you have in your family, your friends, your pets. Hug them all and thank them for being there. Call the ones you can't see in person. Remind yourself that there are people who do love and care about you, and love them back in return.
4. Be good to yourselfWhen we go through a breakup, we tend to focus on what we don't like about ourselves. Give yourself a break. Instead of thinking about the weight you want to lose, look in the mirror and acknowledge that you have beautiful eyes or a great smile. Make a list of the things you do well, the knowledge you have to share with others, and your accomplishments. We have plenty of opportunities to focus on what we can improve. Spend a little time reminding yourself just how good you are.
Then take the money you would have spent buying your significant other a Valentine's Day present and treat yourself to something special. It can be as extravagant as a trip to a spa or as simple as a new book and your favorite takeout.
5. Spread a little happiness and see if it's contagiousSometimes the worst thing to do when you're down is think about what's wrong with the world. But instead of just dwelling on those less fortunate than you, do something proactive about it.
Treat that shy co-worker who doesn't seem to have much of a social life to a cup of coffee, or offer to entertain your frazzled neighbor's children for a while so that she can take a bubble bath or go out to dinner.
Dig through your closets and box up all the clothes and items you don't use anymore to donate to charity. Everyone thinks about giving during the holiday season, and now that it is over many charitable organizations suffer through a tough period. Help them out and give yourself less clutter and more space in your home all at once.
7. ReconnectWe all tend to get preoccupied with our daily lives, especially when we're in a relationship. Work, keeping up with things at home and spending time with our partner and closest family and friends doesn't leave much time left over for others. Fill some of the hours those evenings you no longer spend with a lover have left you with by taking time to reconnect with others in your life.
Call or visit an elderly relative and listen to his or her stories of the past. Email or call an old friend who usually only hears from you in a holiday card. Drop by an old hangout from your previous single days and catch up with the crew.
Valentine's Day is just that - a day. Getting through it with humor and appreciation for what you do have is just one step towards enjoying your new single life, and eventually becoming an independent and happy person who is ready to love again. And if none of this works, there's always more than enough chocolate to go around this time of year.
